Category: poetry

The Silence

On By Alexis RoseIn Blog, poetry, PTSD10 Comments

This is dedicated to all the survivors I’ve met, and the ones I’ve yet to meet along the way. For those who have found their voice, and for those who may still be finding it. Silence can mean so many things…This is what it means to me!

The silence was the worst sometimes

That moment when it ends

The silence is sometimes the most uncomfortable part of being hurt

It’s a strange feeling to see someone who just hurt you in abhorrent ways turn around and walk away

Watching them leave…It felt as if they were also taking a piece of my spirit…leaving behind another tatter, another rip in my already shredded soul. 

The palpable feeling of invisibility growing by the second

No yelling, crying, blaming, or scolding~they just finish and leave

They don’t acknowledge me 

Or what they did

I’m sure there were times when I had cried, but crying was rare

Most often I would just stare at them as they walked away

Watching them go, I sometimes asked myself, Why did that happen to me

But most times, I silently observed as they walked away, as if I didn’t exist 

As If what just happened didn’t happen at all

Their demeanor towards me was complete neutrality

It was as if I was a stranger who just happened to be in their airspace-detached in a way that if they saw me on the street in five minutes they wouldn’t even remember who I was

And in the after…in the thick silence

Alone with my mind ~I tell myself it’s over ~ stand up~cleanup

Unconsciously, I compartmentalize what just happened and move on to survive whatever comes next

No matter the lighting or the mood of sky, In the thick after, sometimes, the silence was the worst 

©Alexis Rose, Photo by Raluca Enea on Unsplash

The Flowers in my Mind

On By Alexis RoseIn Blog, poetry, PTSD20 Comments

I got trapped in the shadow-side
the clouds enveloping me
the deep ice and snow
burying the flowers in my mind

For months I couldn’t find
the brand new day ~ I drifted
feeling so alone and lonely
grasping white-knuckled
to the real-
to the flowers in my mind

I wept tears of fear, pain & despair
and through the stony darkness, I felt the love
and the pull of light and hope

In the dark, before the dawn, I hear
this will pass~
the voice of a brand new day reassuring me
that the flowers will rise again

Today the shade went up and the sun pointed the way
bursting through the tangle of weeds
I entered the reflective garden
which grew out of friendship
trust, and tender care

The delicate petals that hold my secrets
gently swaying, urging me to remember
it’s safe, let go, it’s over
I breathed in the colors of peace
and got lost in the flowers in my mind

©Alexis Rose, image source: Alexis Rose & friends

Thank you for reading my books: If I Could Tell You How It Feels, and Untangled, A Story of Resilience, Courage, and Triumph      

The Dirt Underneath My Nails

On By Alexis RoseIn Blog, poetry28 Comments

The bright flowing energy of life
that courses through
those oft talked about chakras
aligning my body, mind, and soul
sometimes feel clogged.

They say it’s normal
to have places that are stuck.
Let’s start there!
Let’s open it up so you can breathe, unfold, flow, feel whole.

But it’s clogged…with dirt.

Those life-force channels
sometimes get mired in the sludge of messages and beliefs
from a long ago past.
Enmeshed in the lies that were told to my soul.

The truth of their lies evidenced in the
dirt underneath my nails.

Wait; This is a triggering time of year
I’m being pulled into a vortex of memory and shame.
Name it
Feel it
Change the narrative
Get help!

My life-force begins to circulate again
with bright colors and free-flowing qi
I feel the power of being in the now ~
the wind, sun, heat and throat clearing water.

Looking down, scanning, grounding
I see the dirt of the earth underneath my nails
and go and wash my hands.
©Alexis Rose, image source, Pixabay

Thank you for reading my books: If I Could Tell You How It Feels, and Untangled, A Story of Resilience, Courage, and Triumph      

 

Gently you, with Nature

On By Alexis RoseIn poetry12 Comments

From the dustiest of deserts
to the lush trees hanging heavy with Spanish moss
there is a feeling of reverence

The roar of the waves as they hit the cliffs and break
or the gentle lapping of the lake against the shore
the sun reflecting diamonds and colors against the water
bring tears of reverence

From red rock formations with the vortex of healing energy
to the tallest peak of the snow topped range.
Solid, ancient, awe-struck, reverence

Be gentle with yourself

Listen to the silence, the wind, the water
Stop talking, stop judging, just listen

Accept the beauty that surrounds you; envelops you
Become one, breathe deep, connect

The beauty is not asking anything from you
it doesn’t care how much you weigh, what your income is
or how many earthly possessions you own
It is simply nature

Be gentle with yourself in the silent reverence of nature

image by Pexels

Across The Winds

On By Alexis RoseIn Blog, poetry16 Comments

Many souls and a dog
create a circle of healing

Encompassed with compassion
and empathy
the misted space is safe and authentic

Words, hopes, and dreams
for a gentle life become
more than an inaudible whisper
to the stars in the shadow of the night

Possibilities are endless
in these circles of healing
pain, fear, and anxiety
become breath, gratitude, and hope

Misted crosswinds
fuel safety and trust
a mantra of peace and calm that transcends a cozy space

All take turns as teachers
creating the connections

Many souls and a dog
create the circle of healing
as wide as our universe allows

©Alexis Rose, image source: Pexels

Two Roses

On By Alexis RoseIn Blog, poetry34 Comments

Two roses stand strong
within their protective thorns

Entwined by years of friendship 
they share secrets, thoughts, laughter, and tears

They sway with the whispering breeze
as they bloom and grow
mesmerizing all with the wisdom of their ageless beauty

 

2-roses

©Alexis Rose; image: pexels.com

She Listens With More Than Her Ears

On By Alexis RoseIn Blog, poetry52 Comments

She listens with more than her ears.
The light from her soul
and the joy in her heart
illuminate the world around her.
Silently saying a prayer
she feels the comfortable beat of her heart
as she flows to the music within.

 

©Alexis Rose, image source: Pixabay

Thank you for reading my books: If I Could Tell You How It Feels, and Untangled, A Story of Resilience, Courage, and Triumph      

 

 

 

 

 

Sunday Desperation

On By Alexis RoseIn Blog, poetry, PTSD28 Comments

That dark-haired little girl
wants to run away to the cliffs surrounding the ocean
washing the dirt from her feet and hands
watching as the dirt bubbles to the surface
emptying the soot from the bottom of the boxes

She wants to be free
free to see the stars, hear the crickets
smell the ocean waves
and listen to the call of the owl and
the songs of the loons

But she’s bent over holding herself in a ball
The pain in her chest, her heart, her biceps
and the hollowness of her soul
writhes in fuzzy fear and loneliness

She’s trying to grab a hand
a metaphorical lifeline
that provides the hope that this walk will not be alone

It’s not dead girl walking
it’s tiger slayer trying, once again
to navigate the world where her past
doesn’t define her

Fear keeps her from asking
the skeleton hands of the past in for tea

Can she ask them in
Can she ask them why they crawl up her spine
and try to pull her down the rope of the past
Can she ask them to release her – to set her free
Does she set them free with a thank you or a f**k you or both

She doesn’t want to fight them anymore ~ She’s tired
She wants to set them on a raft and send them down the river
free
She wants to set both self-doubt, and fear on a leaf
and watch them take flight with the wind
free
Or maybe put it all in a balloon and set it alight
to become stardust

And when that’s done
she’ll sit for a while
breathe, say thank you ~ and rest
free

©Alexis Rose