A Blog about PTSD, and Mental Health, with a bit of poetry sprinkled in along the way.
It may look as if I’m flying solo
but I’m remembering to lean
into the wind, find comfort
in the safety of the clouds
and soar into the shadow light of the sky.
©From the Collaboration, Of Earth and Sky, Alexis Rose, photographer, Shelley Bauer
Thank you for reading my books: If I Could Tell You How It Feels, and Untangled, A Story of Resilience, Courage, and Triumph available in both ebook and paperback from Amazon.
They took my innocence at such a young age that I dreamed of climbing an apple tree and live like the squirrels.
They took my safety at such a young age that I wanted to live alone by a lake surrounded by cliffs so no one could find me, ever!
They took my choice to have my own interests at such a young age that I cringed when it came time for learning.
They took my esteem and infused it with shame, humiliation, and embarrassment at such a young age that I wanted to become, and often felt invisible.
They took all those innate things away at such a young age that my ability to have trust, faith, security, self-esteem, hope or “person-ness” was stripped away.
Until it wasn’t!
Now “They” don’t have power over me.
Yes, there are effects from the trauma, but I prevail.
I no longer dream of living like a squirrel hidden high in a tree.
I’m open and free, dreaming of the turquoise sea
wave after gentle wave rocking me to sleep.
The more I heal the happier I am.
And when I lose my footing and start to fall
I reach out and grip the strong hands
of the many who share their strength and love
with a “chin-up girlfriend, we’ll get through this!”
I believe it, I trust it, yes, trust.
My person-ness is in tack
never to be stripped away again.
“They” took me away, I took me back
and when I nod good-night to the stars
and wake to the brand new day
I look at my hands, unchained
and know that I have prevailed.
©Alexis Rose, Image source Pixabay
Thank you for reading my books: If I Could Tell You How It Feels, and Untangled, A Story of Resilience, Courage, and Triumph
Meandering through
the crystallized mountains
my spirit awakens
with the message
of those who lived long ago
yet still, walk among us
They spoke to me of
kindness, respect
and the resolve to
stay steadfast
in hope and optimism
They showed me the
ability to ride
the tiger to battle
and to surf the waves
of emotions
I tasted the
tears of fear
of loss, of joy
I felt moments
that seemed unbearable
yet, still remained perfect
Hearing the laughter
Tasting the sweet kiss
Smelling the land
Touching the stars
Seeing the sun-rise
and set
Knowing
every day
every night
the times I fail
or falter
or act in the most human of ways
if I keep my heart open
and listen
the message remains the same
©Alexis Rose, Image source Pexels
Thank you for reading my books: If I Could Tell You How It Feels, and Untangled, A Story of Resilience, Courage, and Triumph
At seventeen the only thing that mattered
was driving our cars, watching the boys
and whispering don’t-tell-anyone secrets
we knew would never be shared
Singing our harmonies, and dancing with abandon
to the sold-out audience of the window’s reflection
candlesticks as microphones
best-friend laughter and coming of age dreams
The twenties bring spouses, children, houses, and change
At first scary, but different, and new
We’ll never grow apart
It happened so quick – those different paths
separated by the winds of change that we didn’t see
our words become sparse and shallow
Apart, we both trust
silently comforted that ours is a friendship
forged in forever-ness
intuitively we know to be patient with the wind
Life settled; together again
the forties knocked on the door
our conversations are deeper and different
until we heard that song
and instantly, the window once again becomes our stage
Another decade has come our way
our friendship once tested
is stronger than ever
We honor the waves of time
and are grateful for being patient with the wind
Her and Me ~ forever friends ~ since seventeen
©Alexis Rose, image by Pixabay
Thank you for reading my books: If I Could Tell You How It Feels, and Untangled, A Story of Resilience, Courage, and Triumph
When the darkness makes it hard to breathe
hope is the involuntary breath I take to live
The call of the loon reaches my heart
the ray’s of the sun heats up my soul
hold on, hold on, have hope, faith, and trust
Encountering obstacles
knowing it’s a moment, it’s sometimes
hold on, have faith, and trust
Digging into emotional reserves
my fascia tight, begging to be stretched
I pull and loosen, standing tall
holding on, trusting
The obstacle seems the same
I’ve been here before
I wonder, have we all?
Knowing that this is the path
It’s okay…it’s fleeting…it’s life…for now
holding hope, having faith, feeling unabashed trust
When the darkness cries at morning light
I close my eyes and deeply breathe
and gently say, hold on, hold on
breathe deep, hold on
©Alexis Rose, Photo by Michael Shannon on Unsplash
Thank you for reading my books: If I Could Tell You How It Feels, and Untangled, A Story of Resilience, Courage, and Triumph
Dance to the music of the Earth
Move to the flow of the rain
Close your eyes and sway with the wind
Stomp in the puddles ~ lift your arms ~ let it go
Scream, pull, laugh hysterically, smile, cry
Don’t look, just move
Feel that? That’s You ~ Rooted~Empowered
Dance to the music of the Earth
We are rooted as one
©Alexis Rose, image source: Pixabay
Thank you for reading my books: If I Could Tell You How It Feels, and Untangled, A Story of Resilience, Courage, and Triumph
I assumed our love would last forever
so I forgave the silence
I gave you space
which became an echoing chasm
I pretended it’s just for now
until I realized this is
how it will be
My heart full as the lush trees
feels sore and thirsting
as if I walked through
the dustiest of deserts with no water
Stuck in stasis
knowing this is the choice I make
for now
a glimmer of hope – was that a smile?
No, it was a grimace
Reality predicts continued silence
I want to hear the roar of the waves
see the sun rise and set
breathe in the air of rugged peaks
I wanted to do that with you
Instead, you chose silence
We both know it’s not the number of words
that creates silence
it’s the elusive disengagement
A ghost
between two worlds
no plan to live or problem solve
Surrendering
I live in the silence
making hard decisions
alone, feeling the loss
Finally understanding
that you don’t share
desires, hopes or dreams
maybe you don’t have them
It was always me that wanted more
Love’s illusion
tricking myself into believing
that time would break the silence
and I would be enough
It turns out that I Am Enough
You were the lucky one ~ You had it all
You left ~ silently ~ Or maybe you’re still here?
©Alexis Rose, Photo by Derek Truninger on Unsplash
Thank you for reading my books: If I Could Tell You How It Feels, and Untangled, A Story of Resilience, Courage, and Triumph
