Sunday Desperation

On By Alexis RoseIn Blog, poetry, PTSD

That dark-haired little girl
wants to run away to the cliffs surrounding the ocean
washing the dirt from her feet and hands
watching as the dirt bubbles to the surface
emptying the soot from the bottom of the boxes

She wants to be free
free to see the stars, hear the crickets
smell the ocean waves
and listen to the call of the owl and
the songs of the loons

But she’s bent over holding herself in a ball
The pain in her chest, her heart, her biceps
and the hollowness of her soul
writhes in fuzzy fear and loneliness

She’s trying to grab a hand
a metaphorical lifeline
that provides the hope that this walk will not be alone

It’s not dead girl walking
it’s tiger slayer trying, once again
to navigate the world where her past
doesn’t define her

Fear keeps her from asking
the skeleton hands of the past in for tea

Can she ask them in
Can she ask them why they crawl up her spine
and try to pull her down the rope of the past
Can she ask them to release her – to set her free
Does she set them free with a thank you or a f**k you or both

She doesn’t want to fight them anymore ~ She’s tired
She wants to set them on a raft and send them down the river
free
She wants to set both self-doubt, and fear on a leaf
and watch them take flight with the wind
free
Or maybe put it all in a balloon and set it alight
to become stardust

And when that’s done
she’ll sit for a while
breathe, say thank you ~ and rest
free

©Alexis Rose

28 thoughts on “Sunday Desperation”

  10. The past always have an adverse effect on our lives, and, no matter how much we want to alter those childhood years, we can’t, we can only, mourn, grieve, for what has been, taken by force from us, and find the strength to, move on, with the rest of our lives…

    Liked by 2 people

  23. Sandra Blanchard

    I truly feel your pain in this writing. Know that you will persevere and conquer. Each day brings its own challenges but your personal toolbox is filled with things that will surround you with courage and strength. Your words fill my soul with balm…may they do the same for you.

    Liked by 2 people

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