Pondering at 3 a.m.

Feb25

At 3 a.m. this morning I was pondering the following…

Sitting at a crossroads. Your world has just crashed down around you. When the dust settles there has emerged two big shards that resemble paths. Each one reveals a choice.

One shard shines brightly in the middle to far distance. It offers a promise of a life well lived. Growth, change, showing up as your true authentic self. Vulnerable but with solid boundaries.

Although bright, those shards are extremely sharp, full of splinters and require conscious navigation. To pick that one requires hard work. Knowing with that commitment to do the work you will feel suffering. It’s painful as you look at things head-on and then do what is required to live the life you want to live. To be the person you want to be.

The other shard is smoother. Worn down to a pleasant sheen, some rough splinters, but they are easy to spot. That path entices you with the status quo. The worn out cushion and pillow that provides the comfort of sameness. The only work it requires if you choose it is that you’ll experience life as you know it. That can also be painful because you have chosen to commit to the way things are in your life.  You choose this because your habits, even if destructive at times can be comforting, even if the comfort is only for a moment.

Change can be scary. For some its that fear that keeps them comfortable in staying the course. Not easy, but comfortable. The habits of the mind, body, and soul are hard to break.

But, maybe behind you in the distance, a third shard has fallen and the crossroads has now offered another choice. Maybe there is a grayer, hazier choice. It has both the sharp shards of change to navigate and the rounder smoother call of status quo. Perhaps a middle way.

Could that be a possibility?  Maybe that’s the path that is more realistic and recognizes the personness in all of us? Perhaps, in reality, that is the path most of us are on. Weaving in and out of the need to change and the pull of status quo.

Maybe we don’t need to pick one or the other. Perhaps we pick all three of them. Take the time to rest on each one, to recognize our growth and reassess what and if we need to change.

I don’t know the answers…after all, it’s 3 a.m. and I probably should be sleeping.

When you experience your crossroads, which path do you choose? Or are you a traveler in life who can navigate all three?

image source: Pexels

Thank you for reading my books: If I Could Tell You How It Feels, and Untangled, A Story of Resilience, Courage, and Triumph      

45 thoughts on “Pondering at 3 a.m.”

  1. I love the middle way, but I must admit I am often going between all 3. I totally understand the splinters. Im so inspired by how how You work on your healing path.
    Winter is unrelenting this year! Its so cold and more snow is on the way this week. 😞 BUT, maybe Spring really is just around the corner!! 🙏🏼💕

    Liked by 1 person

  2. We want to change and are on the first path, and old ways want to come along, so it’s as if we’re carrying the second path with us, which causes more splinters, more work, more disappointment.

    Buddhism is the Middle Way. He tried self-flagellation and tried hedonism. The middle way was purportedly best for minimizing suffering in life. ❤️💕

    Hope you got a nap and that you’re managing these frigid nights! 🥶

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I have picked the smooth path for the past few years, but I am in the process of making a major life change and am nervous about it. What brings me peace is that knowing whether or not it will work is better than never knowing at all. Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Thank you, Elle. I appreciate those wonderful words. Yes, my latest book has been selling pretty well, which makes me very happy, grateful and humbled all at the same time. Good luck on the scholarship 😊❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Thank You Kay. This is fabulous insight. I agree that no path has to be forever. I think often we often forget that we can be as fluid as we need to be or as stationary as we need to be and for how long. Both are equally important depending on our time of lives. I absolutely love how you bring up, that we must learn to trust and be honest with ourselves. Thats the healthiest place to operate from. Thanks for your insight. 😊

    Liked by 2 people

  23. The good news is that nowhere does it say that you must stay on the path you choose forever. In fact, I believe that one of the most beneficial skills you can learn from life is 1. First seeing the paths, their benefit and drawbacks, in the first place and 2. Understanding how long is healthy for you to stay on each path.
    Learning to trust yourself, to trust in your decisions, leads to less regret in the future. Nothing can be gained by not being honest with yourself. It’s true that some days you are the windshield and some days you are the bug but every morning brings the dawn of a new day and with it renewed opportunities for growth and for change.

    Liked by 2 people

  24. Oh thank you so much for your feedback. It’s been a huge validation knowing that so many (maybe most of us?) You are definitely not alone on your 3 roads. Im right there with you in the yellow wood journey. 💕

    Liked by 2 people

  25. Very much resonates with where I am in my life and where I have been for quite some time. I have definitely been fluctuating between options 2 and 3 with thoughts of #1 but never the guts or full convincing rationale to follow through. I hope to stop the teeter totter some time soon and gain some clarity because I am tired of limbo. I need to commit to something and find conviction in some definitive path. Thank you for your words and knowing that I’m not alone on my three roads diverged in a yellow wood journey.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Thats a great idea. Im learning from our little community that we are both a part of, that putting the word “me” back in our lives is so important. I know for me, I often put myself dead last or not on the list at all. 💐

    Liked by 2 people

  31. Wow, thank you so much for your perspective Tamara. First I have to tell you I got the chills while reading it. It landed deep.

    Just changing that one word from “the” to “my” absolutely changes the paradigm and shifts the power back to ourselves. And really thats where it all begins doesn’t it.

    Thank You for reblogging the post. I really appreciate it. Im actually going to copy and paste your comment and send it to one of my “teachers” (if thats okay)
    She was just talking this morning about loving ourselves and when do we begin to learn that its not okay to say, I love Me!
    Have a wonderful day and thanks again. ❤️

    Like

  32. Yes, me too! I totally agree. Although I tend to be so driven that I go down the lets change, do everything I can to make those changes and then forget to just rest and “be.” It’s interesting how sometimes I forget the middle way. 💐

    Liked by 1 person

  34. Pingback: Pondering at 3 a.m. | Success Inspirers World

  36. Reblogged this on Tamara Kulish and commented:
    My post below was written in response to Alexis’ question she was pondering at 3 am. While most of us won’t ever have to experience what she went through, we’re still faced with our own crossroads in life, and our choices can have deep impacts on many people around us.

    I’ve put forth a shift in an oft asked question we tend to ask during these times, and that new question can be a game changer for many people, so I’m sharing it here:

    “I read recently that slightly changing an often asked question changes the whole perspective.

    Ask: what choice do I need to make for MY greater good?

    See how this is different from the old way of asking: “…for THE greater good”?

    Too often we’re taught to look at the greater good for ALL, which often meant sacrificing our own needs, desires and dreams so we ended up suffering even more, sometimes for a whole lifetime.

    By changing one little word, shifting the focus of the question onto ourselves, “What choice do I need to make for MY greater good” we look at the big picture in a self empowering way.

    “Greater good” implies there’s choices which are less than great, but by taking responsibility for our own paths we ultimately do what is best for all around us even if it doesn’t feel that way at first.

    When we hide and sublimate ourselves to do something we perceive to be for the greater good of everyone else, we’ve made a choice not to be our authentic selves.

    This choice comes at a far greater price, and the long term suffering is deeper.

    When other people find out years later we sacrificed our personal happiness/dreams/goals for them, they’re not necessarily happy we did so. Instead many will feel guilty that they were the cause of the internal hardships we endured, in order to keep from rocking the boat.

    So, the best and hardest question then is: “what choice do I need to make for MY greater good?”

    Even if the choice you choose to make is overwhelming or daunting, it’s best to break it down into simpler and more manageable steps.

    You have become a wonderful teacher and inspiration for many, yet in spite of all the knowledge you have gained, you find yourself still a student. That’s good! Why? It means you’re still open! Open to learning, open to change and open to your personal successes!

    Peace to you on your path!
    Tamara

    PS, I’m reblogging this as I feel it will be helpful to more people!”

    Peace and strength to us all as we continue to make choices for each of our greater good!

    Liked by 1 person

  37. I read recently that slightly changing an often asked question changes the whole perspective.

    Ask: what choice do I need to make for MY greater good?

    See how this is different from the old way of asking: “…for THE greater good”?

    Too often we’re taught to look at the greater good for ALL, which often meant sacrificing our own needs, desires and dreams so we ended up suffering even more, sometimes for a whole lifetime.

    By changing one little word, shifting the focus of the question onto ourselves, “What choice do I need to make for MY greater good” we look at the big picture in a self empowering way.

    “Greater good” implies there’s choices which are less than great, but by taking responsibility for our own paths we ultimately do what is best for all around us even if it doesn’t feel that way at first.

    When we hide and sublimate ourselves to do something we perceive to be for the greater good of everyone else, we’ve made a choice not to be our authentic selves.

    This choice comes at a far greater price, and the long term suffering is deeper.

    When other people find out years later we sacrificed our personal happiness/dreams/goals for them, they’re not necessarily happy we did so. Instead many will feel guilty that they were the cause of the internal hardships we endured, in order to keep from rocking the boat.

    So, the best and hardest question then is: “what choice do I need to make for MY greater good?”

    Even if the choice you choose to make is overwhelming or daunting, it’s best to break it down into simpler and more manageable steps.

    You have become a wonderful teacher and inspiration for many, yet in spite of all the knowledge you have gained, you find yourself still a student. That’s good! Why? It means you’re still open! Open to learning, open to change and open to your personal successes!

    Peace to you on your path!
    Tamara

    PS, I’m reblogging this as I feel it will be helpful to more people!

    Liked by 2 people

  42. Totally agree. I know the path I would always choose. Im o w of those goal oriented, drive people. But thats now what everyone would choose. And sometimes I think rest in status quo for a while may be Aok. What do you think?

    Liked by 1 person

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