Just do your best; You’ll find your how!

Change is a fact of life. Our bodies change, as do our cognitive abilities. Sometimes we embrace change, but sometimes change can be frightening. The fear of the unknown and the anticipation of what might be can be paralyzing; the feeling of vulnerability can prevent us from moving forward.

A few of my friends, including myself, have been going through significant grief, loss, and change the past year. Loss of many kinds, including illness, financial upheaval, deaths of loved ones, and watching how a progressive illness affects a family. We are also navigating aging in a society where becoming a woman of a certain age can make you feel irrelevant. Big.Tough.Stuff!

As I was talking with a friend yesterday, who was extremely distressed, I found the best thing I could do was to silently offer myself as her mirror. The grief and fear she is experiencing are (appropriately) palpable, but she is also doing some wonderful things both for herself and the community. Personal growth, and being of service to others is one of the constants in this person’s day-to-day life.

Sometimes, in the muck and mire of what life throws at us, we forget to see, and often don’t acknowledge that what we do, and who we are matters.

I go through feelings of irrelevance and self-doubt a lot. Especially when I can feel I am on the cusp of change. Right now, I have hit the pause button on many outside activities in my life. As I work to reconnect with myself; my center, I notice that my interests are heading in a different direction than they have been the past few years. That’s a natural progression for me, as I learn and grow. But, it’s also a bit scary. Although I still could be quite satisfied with the path I have been on, I’m also anxious to listen to what it is I may want to do next.

I find right now, that I am feeling the wind of change calling to me. Just as I was purposefully trying to be a mirror for my friend yesterday, I find I’m also seeking out the mirrors in my life. The ones who reflect back who I am without any masks. The person I have been working hard to become, without feeling shame, the need for perfection or control, but who can also firmly set personal boundaries.

As my friend and I were talking, she was describing to me an intensive class she will soon be taking. I started to think about the things I’m willing to let go of now, and the absolute openness of what will come next. Both of us began to get a bit stressed and animated over the, “how are we going to get through this?”

As my friend got up to grab some water, out of my mouth, from somewhere in that wise-mind of mine, I heard myself say the words, “Just do your best – You’ll find the how!”

I really believe those words were just a random thought that was passing by, but the words came out. We stared at each other in silence, stunned into the connectedness of knowing that it will be okay.

What happened next? We sat quietly next to each other, understanding that with change comes uncertainty. But that uncertainty only requires us to do our best, and trust that the how will reveal itself in its own perfect timing.

Photo by Mārtiņš Zemlickis on Unsplash


Thank you for reading my books: If I Could Tell You How It Feels, and Untangled, A Story of Resilience, Courage, and Triumph      



59 thoughts on “Just do your best; You’ll find your how!

  1. This (as always) is so beautifully said, Nancy.
    Im so sorry to hear you were back in the hospital. Are you home now?
    I think about you my friend, and always hold a place in my heart for you. You are by far the strongest survivor I know, and a beaming light in this world. That is what I would like to mirror back to you.
    I ❤️ you, Nancy!


  2. I was back in the hospital hence have not been able to visit friends’ blogs. I glad I read this. I have always judged myself by what I saw in mirrors during different stages of my life. My friend and I had a discussion about this. We realized that not only were we positive mirrors to each other but that instead of introspection on what we see in ourselves, it is far better to find those who reflect the beauty they see in us inside and out. (This is a bit discombobulated. I hope it makes sense).

    I love your wise words and how you bring perspective. Great post. ❤ you, Alexis!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I will definitely touch some snow for you! If you go online look for pictures of the snow in the Twin Cities, MN. Hopefully you’ll see some beautiful winter wonderland pictures. I just tried to copy on of my backyard to you but couldn’t get it to show up.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. i wish i had come to the states later – i missed all the snow falling!!! i ma doing good Alexis, thank you. my heart is healing and looking forward to quality time with my kids, so glad to hear that you are pretty good, touch some snow for me please, let one flake kiss your cheek for me.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Perfect advice. Beautiful gift, your listening. You’re a wonderful friend. I once had advice come through me like that too and a similar stunned reaction from my son, and then we both burst out laughing. “Explore the nuances of silence.” Thank you for this lovely write. We only have to do our best, just for today. Just for now. Those “nows” and days add up to a beautiful life. ♥.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Alexis this was a brilliant and beautiful post! So many of lives experiences create so much of the unknown, which can be a little scary. Your friend is SO lucky to have someone as compassionate and wonderful as you. We all need someone like you in our corner!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. You know Gina, since we both began blogging I could feel our connection. I love that conspiring universe and how we are connected. Love to you my dear friend…connected across the world, from the northern state of MN to the equator. 💞💐

    Liked by 1 person

  8. i was talking about change just exactly as you wrote in your opening line, the same words really, embracing change. i am always surprised how the universe links our thoughts, we are truly connected in the tapestry of life, me , you, your friend and many others we come into contact with. i like how the words just came from your heart and leaped out, yes we will find the how, that will come, its sufficient to know the why for now. your words heal and uplift dear Alexis.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Jodi Butzer

    I love this. We have a daughter in an intense fight with anxiety, depression and mental health issues. I’m going to share with her. But this also resonates deeply with me. Thank you. Jodi

    Sent from my iPad


    Liked by 1 person

  10. Pingback: Just do your best; You’ll find your how! – Timeless Wisdoms

  11. Can very much relate to the experience of navigating the big unknowns, little uncertainties too. I’ve discovered when I lean into trusting my intuition without expecting perfection of myself, the situation becomes less about the desired outcome and more about an awareness of the richness of what’s flowing in along the way. Thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

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