Reflections From My Inner Spirit Mirror

On By Alexis RoseIn Blog, PTSD

I stand in front of a mirror. It is not the kind of mirror that reflects your outside self, but the kind of mirror that reflects your psyche. It’s the kind of mirror that reflects how you think, emote, or not emote, and feel. It is the kind of mirror that reflects back the years of psychological and emotional damage. I call it my inner spirit mirror.

It took a lot of courage to approach this mirror the first time.  I was terrified because I knew that if I had tried to stand in front of this mirror before, I wouldn’t have seen any reflection. I felt like a nobody with no-body. but something compelled me to look at the effects of the trauma and how it damaged my mind and spirit and left my soul in tattered ruin.

Countless times, I could only stand looking into that mirror for mere seconds before running away in shame, but I was determined to keep going back. Each time I went back, I began to have the courage to view my reflection and started to name what I saw. Even though it was difficult to see myself, I’m glad I was brave enough to stand in front of that mirror and look deeper into my spirit.

At first, all I could name was the lies that were told to my soul. The lies that perpetrators tell their victims to legitimize what they are doing or have done. At that time, all I could see was the hurt, pain, fear, and wretchedness of the first twenty years of my life.

Then to my amazement, as I stood steadfast in front of my spirit mirror, I began to see a light emerge from my core. My reflection of who I am, who I want to be, and what they couldn’t take from me, started emitting a stronger and stronger beacon of hope. At first, it was hard to trust the truth of the mirror. I could have turned away and continued to believe the lies, or I could believe my truth and trust my reflection.

Today when I stand in front of my inner spirit mirror, I see my reflection. I acknowledge the courage it took to stand there, to refuse to look away in shame. Now my inner light shines through, giving me hope that I can face each day, to stay the course, to continue to heal and grow. To trust, to believe that although at times, I’m still experiencing symptoms, what I see is the true reflection of me.

Excerpt from the book, If I Could Tell You How It Feels

photo: Janet Rosauer

Thank you for reading my new book, If I Could Tell You How It Feels, available in both ebook and paperback from Amazon.

 

 

 

38 thoughts on “Reflections From My Inner Spirit Mirror”

  6. The courage it takes to glimpse yourself in that mirror, let alone stand in front and accept what you see…. I haven’t thought about seeing myself reflected like this, metaphorically naked, all to see. I guess writing gets me a little closer to this reflection. Inspired by this writing, thank you. I like how you describe what you see in your mirror.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Yeah, I totally understand that! Sometimes, I pass right by that mirror. Then I remember its not a linear healing journey and try to give myself a break. Thank You so much for reading and commenting 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  32. Thank You! I have been wanting to tell you that I cant click on the menu button on your website to reach your blog. Is it just me, or have others let you know that too? I have been tying since last week. Can you send me the link to your blog page without going to thejobblog.net homepage?

    Liked by 2 people

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