A Cloudy Week of PTSD

I want to wrap my myself in a soft comfy blanket and hang out in a room with puppies, feeling the happy, drooling puppy breath that brings smiles from oozing love.

I want to naturally exhale after taking a deep breath, and not having to consciously remind myself to breathe as I come out a flashback, nightmare.

I want to ease the pain in my body that I know is not really there; it’s just remnants, reminders of long ago.

I want to be able to have a conversation with someone and not feel like I’m standing behind a scrim of safety because right now, trust and feeling safe is at a premium.

I have to remember that this week is just a glitch and that sometimes I will find myself feeling like I am sliding into the abyss of symptoms.

I know that even though I am exhausted in mind, body, and spirit this week, I am still (and always will be) mega-tons stronger than any perpetrator that I’ve had the displeasure of encountering.

It’s been a cloudy week of PTSD!

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photo image: pixabay

Thank you for reading my books: If I Could Tell You How It Feels, and Untangled, A Story of Resilience, Courage, and Triumph    

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60 thoughts on “A Cloudy Week of PTSD

  1. Continuing healing as you make your way back to work. Ahhhhh, Spring. As we head into winter I’ll need the Spring, Summer reports as we hunker down to snow and cold here in the midwest.
    Have a great day, and enjoy the busy birds.

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  2. No worries.
    That fight or flight response is a real bugger.
    Spring is here in Western Australia and I am looking forward to getting back to work after nearly a year of back and neck surgeries.
    Been out watching all the birds building nests or looking after their hatchlings. Got told off by swallows as I was sitting right under where they were trying to nest. Getting into nature is a great relaxant.
    Hope your daygoes well.

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  3. Thank you for sharing with me where you are at too Linda. We are absolutely okay. We are beautiful Lioness survivors and the clouds will definitely blow away.
    Maybe even tomorrow the sun will come up and we’ll be able to play once again.🙏🏼💞

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  4. I relate to every word. It’s been that kind of a week for me, too. Just when I think that I have overcome my PTSD symptoms once and for all, something happens and it comes roaring back again. Maybe not as severe as it used to be, but… still there.

    And it’s okay, isn’t it? When you’ve gone through the kinds of trauma that no one should ever have to experience, it’s okay. This isn’t a sign of weakness and it does not mean that you are defective in any way. On the contrary, it means that you are normal. Just as it is normal to bleed when you are cut, this is normal, too.

    Like you said, this is temporary. It won’t last forever. The clouds will blow away and the sun will come out to play again, for both of us.

    ((HUG))

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  5. a song just popped into my head, one I used to cling to on my roughest days but haven’t listened to in a while. it’s called Things Are Gonna Change by Bryan Duncan on YouTube. “If there’s one thing you can count on, if there’s one thing you can know for sure …. things are gonna change” It’s a powerful song because he gets it, the pain. Hang on, better days are coming.

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  6. Pingback: A Cloudy Week of PTSD — Untangled – ~*~tightlines and sunshine~*~

  7. These times of flashbacks Alexis, I am beginning to realize, are reality checks… that this is NOT in our head… it is real. A reality check that what happened was real and that we still need to take care of ourselves. These moments come from out of nowhere and we cannot stop them. They are so painful because they take us by surprise and crush our hopes that we are now strong and okay. You are not alone! My heart goes out to you! Hugs!

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  8. It’s not terrible. Violence and fights are a way of life in this country and the workplace is no different. I stopped being scared. Now in my military mindset. For what he did all he got was a slap on the wrist and a warning. Now I know that I must be ready to defend myself by any means necessary. Life is all about survival.

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  9. I often find that some feeling that I have not articulated is at the bottom of “cloudiness” – often it is a sense of shame, maybe a reaction to something someone had said to me, or something I felt I’d got wrong. I wasn’t always aware of what it was but had to talk it out. Then my feelings could “right themselves”.

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  10. It’s always hard, when the memories you thought you’d left completely behind came rushing back to your mind, and, you get trapped in the midst of the emotions, and, you just have to keep reminding yourself, that you must put one foot in front of the other, keep moving forward, with your life, working through every single detail of the traumas of your younger years, just keep working on your self, and one day, those memories will be resolved, and they won’t haunt you any longer!

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  11. I completely understand. My work week started off well. Actually I’ve been very happy with my photography. But all hell broke out at work last night and things are steadily going downhill. I was ready to cry when I got home this morning. I suppose my only saving grace is that next year I can put in for retirement.

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