Alone or Lonely

Am I learning to be alone
or am
I drifting into silent loneliness
Are my mindful days, lack of thoughts, and constant urge for change considered resting 
or am
I drifting into an abyss of blackness
Is my contentment to be okay with a sparsely filled calendar, an awakened new period of self-discovery and growth 
or am 
I retreating into stasis. 
Is my lack of desire to control the dust on my shelves, or obsess about the number of times I exercise living with ease 
or am 
I lazy

I wasn’t well enough to be alone the past nine years as I was combatting my symptoms of PTSD. Now, I’ve been allowing myself to be unscheduled, rest, write, read novels, look forward to things, and finally acknowledge how hard Ive worked to get to this place. 

I yearn to be alone for long periods during the day. To sit, rest, and if it happens, deal quietly with the triggers when the skeleton hands of the past try to pull me back down. 

Yesterday I wondered aloud if although content, I was feeling lonely. Today I wake up and understand that yes, Im content, and also for the first time I’m  learning to be okay, being alone with myself. 

image source: Pixabay

 

Thank you for reading my memoir, Untangled, A Story of Resilience, Courage, and Triumph

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38 thoughts on “Alone or Lonely

  1. Hi I just found your post and I was thinking about how grateful I am not to have the responsibility of taking care of family and the freedom it bring as well as the time we have to explore our life and take it to where we want to go.

    Sure we get those skeletons making us yearn for love or a relationship, and there are many ways to deal with this. Jumping into a relationship and starting a family out of fear of being alone can have long lasting consequences. It is wiser to make sure your a good match with someone before you decide to spend or share a part of your life with someone.

    I am glad I found your post, I found it because I just wrote a post called
    “Living Alone, My Reality Check” and nice to see someone else out there living this life.
    I was sitting alone feeling grateful for the time I had by myself and glad that I did not have the pressure of taking care of a family and free to do as I like but still felt some need for companionship, so I decided to write about it like you did, and it helped.

    Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. kuldeepsingh1910

    🌹💞💝👏👏🙊🌹
    *आँखे बंद करने से..*
    *मुसीबत नहीं टलती .!*
    *और .*
    *मुसीबत आए बिना ..*
    *आँखे नहीं खुलती…*

    *छल* में बेशक *बल* है
    लेकिन
    *प्रेम * में आज भी *हल* है..
    🌴 🌹💞💝👏👏
    आपका दिन मंगलमय हो
    Good मॉर्निंग

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank You, Daisy. ❤️
    Im so energized knowing that is a relatable way to be, to feel, instead of holding my breath before hitting publish, thinking this was an unrelateable way of being in life. Whew! Helps to know others walk similar paths. Have a wonderful weekend my friend.

    Like

  4. this was an amazing post.i understand your feelings and i guess some alone time with your self is…quite relaxing.thinking things,laughing at the happy times… it might do you good and also bad. don’t sit alone if you don’t want to.some times people can change or make you happy.
    😊
    stay happy!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I relate so strongly to this. I sometimes feel so complete and at one alone in a way I often dont with others, but self doubt can sneak in as society does not affirm solitude…but it is where we really connect to spirit and soul. Wonderful post. 💕

    Like

  6. From my experience, Alexis, what you are experiencing is very much similar to what happened to me when I intentionally sought solitude as often as possible. I questioned everything, my natural self sort-of rebelled and caused a great deal of anguish. I knew in my soul it was good though even though it felt terrifying. Emerging on the other side a changed being. Thank you for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Thank You…its such an odd place to be right now. Thinking, Am I “normal?” Do others feel this way? Is this okay? So glad to know that others also question these things. 😃❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  8. I’ve gone through this too where you wonder if you’re being more mindful and calm or lazy! The latter is the crazy mind’s way of getting to engage again. Restfulness and quiet is brought by Grace. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

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