Alone or Lonely

Am I learning to be alone
or am
I drifting into silent loneliness
Are my mindful days, lack of thoughts, and constant urge for change considered resting 
or am
I drifting into an abyss of blackness
Is my contentment to be okay with a sparsely filled calendar, an awakened new period of self-discovery and growth 
or am 
I retreating into stasis. 
Is my lack of desire to control the dust on my shelves, or obsess about the number of times I exercise living with ease 
or am 
I lazy

I wasn’t well enough to be alone the past nine years as I was combatting my symptoms of PTSD. Now, I’ve been allowing myself to be unscheduled, rest, write, read novels, look forward to things, and finally acknowledge how hard Ive worked to get to this place. 

I yearn to be alone for long periods during the day. To sit, rest, and if it happens, deal quietly with the triggers when the skeleton hands of the past try to pull me back down. 

Yesterday I wondered aloud if although content, I was feeling lonely. Today I wake up and understand that yes, Im content, and also for the first time I’m  learning to be okay, being alone with myself. 

image source: Pixabay


Thank you for reading my memoir, Untangled, A Story of Resilience, Courage, and Triumph


38 thoughts on “Alone or Lonely

  1. Alexis Rose August 19, 2017 / 3:22 am

    Thats a good feeling, to know we aren’t alone. 😃


  2. Greg Gonz August 10, 2017 / 9:35 pm

    Hi I just found your post and I was thinking about how grateful I am not to have the responsibility of taking care of family and the freedom it bring as well as the time we have to explore our life and take it to where we want to go.

    Sure we get those skeletons making us yearn for love or a relationship, and there are many ways to deal with this. Jumping into a relationship and starting a family out of fear of being alone can have long lasting consequences. It is wiser to make sure your a good match with someone before you decide to spend or share a part of your life with someone.

    I am glad I found your post, I found it because I just wrote a post called
    “Living Alone, My Reality Check” and nice to see someone else out there living this life.
    I was sitting alone feeling grateful for the time I had by myself and glad that I did not have the pressure of taking care of a family and free to do as I like but still felt some need for companionship, so I decided to write about it like you did, and it helped.

    Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. kuldeepsingh1910 July 31, 2017 / 2:02 am

    *आँखे बंद करने से..*
    *मुसीबत नहीं टलती .!*
    *और .*
    *मुसीबत आए बिना ..*
    *आँखे नहीं खुलती…*

    *छल* में बेशक *बल* है
    *प्रेम * में आज भी *हल* है..
    🌴 🌹💞💝👏👏
    आपका दिन मंगलमय हो
    Good मॉर्निंग

    Liked by 1 person

  4. emergingfromthedarknight July 22, 2017 / 11:25 pm

    It really does, Alexis. If we are aware of that then maybe we can nip those negative inner messages in the bud ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Rebel Recovery July 22, 2017 / 8:53 pm

    Such delicate writing, gentle insights. The truth in the healing being done shines through. Best wishes. A.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Alexis Rose July 22, 2017 / 2:55 pm

    Thank You, Daisy. ❤️
    Im so energized knowing that is a relatable way to be, to feel, instead of holding my breath before hitting publish, thinking this was an unrelateable way of being in life. Whew! Helps to know others walk similar paths. Have a wonderful weekend my friend.


  7. Alexis Rose July 22, 2017 / 1:20 pm

    Yes that is so true. We can learn to be our own best friends. xx

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Alexis Rose July 22, 2017 / 1:18 pm

    This is so well said. When self doubt comes knocking and we start doubting ourselves, that can unravel that peaceful place. Thank You for sharing with me. ❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  9. manyofus1980 July 22, 2017 / 11:49 am

    its good to be alone sometimes, gives us time to regroup. xx

    Liked by 2 people

  10. mia_haider July 22, 2017 / 9:06 am

    this was an amazing post.i understand your feelings and i guess some alone time with your self is…quite relaxing.thinking things,laughing at the happy times… it might do you good and also bad. don’t sit alone if you don’t want to.some times people can change or make you happy.
    stay happy!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. emergingfromthedarknight July 22, 2017 / 6:46 am

    I relate so strongly to this. I sometimes feel so complete and at one alone in a way I often dont with others, but self doubt can sneak in as society does not affirm solitude…but it is where we really connect to spirit and soul. Wonderful post. 💕


  12. Alexis Rose July 22, 2017 / 2:50 am

    Wow! This is so encouraging to read. Im so glad to know that the need for solitude is a positive step in our growth journey. Thank You so much for sharing this with me. 💕

    Liked by 3 people

  13. @vapor_sage July 22, 2017 / 2:31 am

    From my experience, Alexis, what you are experiencing is very much similar to what happened to me when I intentionally sought solitude as often as possible. I questioned everything, my natural self sort-of rebelled and caused a great deal of anguish. I knew in my soul it was good though even though it felt terrifying. Emerging on the other side a changed being. Thank you for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Alexis Rose July 22, 2017 / 1:56 am

    Thank You, Amybelle. Its a strange place to be, and Im so glad to hear thats its okay. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  15. amybelle1 July 22, 2017 / 1:42 am

    I can completely relate to this. For the first time ever I have had to learn to be ok on my own. It is scary, but easy once done x

    Liked by 2 people

  16. alinabarac July 21, 2017 / 7:37 pm

    When you learn to love the time spent with yourself you learn what you actually want in life and stop wasting time on things that don’t make you happy
    Great post

    Liked by 2 people

  17. Alexis Rose July 21, 2017 / 7:16 pm

    Thank You…its such an odd place to be right now. Thinking, Am I “normal?” Do others feel this way? Is this okay? So glad to know that others also question these things. 😃❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  18. Alexis Rose July 21, 2017 / 7:11 pm

    Thats great insight and validation. Thanks Shruti. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  19. 1Wise-Woman July 21, 2017 / 6:41 pm

    I can relate to this so much. Although I haven’t quite figured out the answer yet. You expressed it so beautifully ❤

    Liked by 3 people

  20. Shruti Bakshi July 21, 2017 / 5:36 pm

    I’ve gone through this too where you wonder if you’re being more mindful and calm or lazy! The latter is the crazy mind’s way of getting to engage again. Restfulness and quiet is brought by Grace. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  21. oneta hayes July 21, 2017 / 5:05 pm

    I am happy for your contentment. Peace is blissful in any circumstance.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. cseveneaj July 21, 2017 / 2:02 pm

    Beautifully written.☺ by the way, I nomimated you for versatile blogger award.☺

    Liked by 1 person

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