The Mirrors in our Life

On By Alexis RoseIn Blog, inspiration, PTSD

This past year has been a time of change. Some of it wonderful, healing, inspirational. Some of it sad, disappointing, shocking, leaving me stunned. That’s the beauty of understanding impermanence. Things change, everything changes and we change with it. Sometimes it’s been easy to let go of things, with a nod to the experience, other times it takes me months to process, understand, and accept. Sometimes the changes have been quite personal, other times on a national or global level.

The most valuable lesson I’ve learned the past year is to acknowledge the mirrors in my life. Sometimes these mirrors were the ones that ripped the mask off and exposed the person I didn’t want to be. Discontented, bitchy, clinging to things that no longer serve me, or trying to please people who try to control me, leaving me feeling less worthy. The other mirrors, the ones I gravitate towards the most are the ones who reflect back who I want to be, who I am without any masks. The person I have been working hard to become, losing the shame, the perfection, letting go of the control and coming from a place of love and altruism. Both of these mirrors have been important in my life.

Another most important mirror I need in my life is the mirror that reflects my struggle with healing from trauma.  Sometimes the loneliness and pain from managing my PTSD symptoms feel unbearable. I ask myself what am I doing and why? I have to watch that I don’t go down the slippery slope of denial and convince myself, that my life was easy when I had my memories repressed. I was living an inauthentic and never allowing myself to be vulnerable life. It was awful, I was miserable on the inside. The only thing a mirror reflected back at that time was fear, shame, terror, and a vague sense of invisibility.

Now that I live more authenticly and allow myself to be vulnerable, I’m happier with the kinds of relationships I have in my life. I no longer surround myself with people who want me to act a certain way, act accordingly, hide any emotion except happiness.  I have kept some wonderful stood-the-test-of time relationships and formed new ones who are my mirrors, and I am theirs. It’s reciprocal and that brings a feeling of contentedness.

Some days, its still a lot easier for me to be someone’s mirror, then to accept the goodness that they reflect back to me. But I’m working on it.

When I get down, and the exhaustion of healing begins to get the best of me, I stop and acknowledge the wonderful mirrors in my life.

When I need reassurance on those really, really bad moments, I ask,  “What am I doing?” and hear mirrored back to me, “Healing.”

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Image source: pixabay

 

 

Thank you for reading my memoir, Untangled, A Story of Resilience, Courage, and Triumph

39 thoughts on “The Mirrors in our Life”

  3. Gina…tears of gratitude. Thank You for the kind words, support for Untangled and most of all your friendship. Im so excited to be linked to the Cafe. Have a great weekend Gina. ❤️🌹❤️

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  14. Alexis, you are a very good writer. And your journey is a light that shines. I am just at the beginning of therapy and I talked to my therapist about your blog post today. It was a very helpful discussion. Yes, it is such blessing to have support like this through our blogs!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Oh Gina, I cried reading your beautiful comment. Im so sorry that you’ve been struggling this past month. We are on our healing journey together. From the Midwest to the equator, we are each others mirrors. I love you dear friend. ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  16. may i tell you that i cried reading this, not tears of pain or sorrow, but with lots of healing and joy, i have struggled this month too my friend, with so much and reading this makes me think we are all on the same journey no matter where we are on this earth, your mirrors are clear and bright and they mirror that which your soul needs to heal and become whole again. I loved this post for the sincerity of a heart walking towards light, a light that she doesn’t know yet but comes from within her shinning out brightly. I love this and you!

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Thank you so much for this Alexis! I read this to my husband and we talked about how I am so afraid of my repressed memories. My husband said to me, “Remember, that is how you once felt about taking medication too.” This was honest and beautiful! Thank you for all the wonderful reminders… and that through it all… we are healing!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  28. Thanks! I’m glad it’s a good day there by you. We’re heading into Winter (my favourite season), so it’s starting to get a little colder every day. But that’s my idea of a “good day”, lol.

    Liked by 1 person

  39. This was beautiful, honest, uplifting and comforting at the same time. Healing is painful. It’s scary and I often question what I’m doing and try to fool myself that life was easier before. Healing from trauma and living with ptsd is a challenge we fight daily. But there are a small group of survivors and we stand united together. Thanks for writing this! #survivors 👯

    Liked by 3 people

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