From shattered oblivion, I crawled back from the depths of despair. Never knowing and always terrified that PTSD would be my demise.
It’s bullying way of hurling me from present to the past often left me winded and frightened. Triggers still happen, I’m still winded, but now I understand the fear and patiently, uncomfortably wait it out. Knowing, it will pass; symptoms are time-limited.
The loneliness on the journey of remembering, processing, and feeling has been eased by forcing myself to sit with the truth, which brought acceptance. It’s not an easy truth, but it’s mine. It’s my life, my past. I understand what happened.
Most days, the grief for a life interrupted is replaced by the solace of knowing the who, what, when and how. For me, it feels better to have a congruent timeline for my first 20 years. To no longer live under a “cover-story,” because of threats and fear.
Still practicing the independence of using all my tools to cope with the effects of my trauma. Sometimes feeling like a stranger with no purpose other than to heal. But then remembering that my purpose through this healing process was to live, so I can live, not just survive.
From shattered oblivion, I broke free from the choke-hold of silence. My open traumatic, psychological wounds are scarred over and I’m standing on firmer ground.
If I could tell you how it feels…I would say, today I’m letting myself feel triumphant!
Thank you for reading my memoir, Untangled, A Story of Resilience, Courage, and Triumph