There was a time before I was diagnosed with PTSD that I didn’t need a therapist. I didn’t need support and a bevy of distress tolerance tools to help me get through endless hours of crisis. I didn’t need reminders that I am safe from past predators sneaking into my present, and I didn’t need a safety plan from untangling the 20 plus years of programming that became my fight for life when I went against the rules and talked.
That was the time before my snow-globe illusion of control smashed into the ground and my repressed past came exploding to the surface. The same resilience that kept me in survival mode no longer served me and my psyche demanded that I face the truth of my past.
From the beginning, the goal was to have an end to therapy. To gather enough tools in my toolbox, to have processed the dark truth of my past and then be able to employ what my therapist taught me in my everyday life. Whatever that life looked like.
The first few weeks of therapy I was willing to give it one year. My goal was to get my shit together and get back to work full time. I sought therapy because I thought I was going “crazy” and assumed that if I could just control my universe again, that I would be fine.
It didn’t go the way I planned, but it did go the way it was supposed to if I was going to have any chance of survival, a life, some peace.
After eight years, I have graduated from therapy. We had been talking about ending, on and off for about 15 months, but I wasn’t quite ready. Then as it all unfolded organically, I found I was ready. I began to understand that while I’m still living with debilitating symptoms of PTSD, I don’t necessarily need therapy to cope with the discomfort.
I have the tools to help with the distress, I know what to do when the panic and fear sets in, I have a support system in place that I can reach out to, who are at this point well-versed in what to say and do to help me through bad days or moments. In short, My therapist has taught me the things I need to get through my days. He has completed his job as my therapist.
But now what?
I still live with the effects of my trauma that has left me with complex PTSD. In my mind, I thought I would be cured when I stopped therapy. Maybe, that is the end result for some, but for me, it is not the case. I still have unrelenting symptoms, but now I know how to deal with them.
Therapy did not cure me, but it did give me what I needed to cope with this miserable illness. I haven’t quite come to terms with my PTSD, and in all honesty, I still get angry and frustrated because the life I want to lead and the life I am able to lead is often incongruent because of my symptoms.
What happens now that therapy has ended? I’m not sure. It’s still brand new for me. I will continue to work on accepting where I’m at every day and go from there. I’ll live in the present, while I fight the skeleton hands of the past so I can have a future.
Untangled 
Thank You!!
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This is such an interesting topic, thanks for sharing it.
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We talked about it for about 15 months before actually ending. It happened pretty organically. Plus I know that I can always go back to therapy should I need it again. I have a fabulous support system and I have my therapists voice in my head telling me Im safe, Im okay. It took some time to figure out how to be in the world without therapy 3x a week, but I have figured it out. My friend put very eloquently to me. He did his job beautifully by giving me all the tools I need (8 yrs 2 months) and now I have to use them and learn to accept and live with my PTSD illness. Sometimes its easier than other times. Does that make sense?
And…I really miss it sometimes too.
Thank You so much for sharing with me.
Have a great weekend. 😊
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I have realized recently that I have probably learned all my therapist has to teach me. It didn’t really take this long for her to teach me, but it took me a long time to learn. Now I (mostly) remember to use them, even if I sometimes don’t remember immediately. So I have also started to think that maybe I am also approaching the point where I don’t need therapy much longer. Yet I feel reluctant to let go of her. Her office is a safe, accepting space. I don’t have anywhere else that feels the same, not even with my very loving, understanding husband. Were you afraid to let go of that attachment? Do you have others in your life who will listen to you if your PTSD rises up to bite you in the face?
I so admire the courage it must have taken to walk away from therapy and hope you continue to feel strong in your ability to cope.
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I think it changes and its different, so my hope is for continuous improvement. Have a good evening.
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I am 5 months into therapy and stepped back for some time off the roller coaster. Knowing that it may never end gives it some perspective.
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I often wondered that too! 🤗
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Thanks for sharing. I sometimes wonder for myself, is there ever going to be a life after therapy..
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I will, thanks 🙂
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Stay strong!! 😊
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Thank You, K E. I will gladly accept the light and love. Thank You for your support. ❤️
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Congratulations! It seems that you’ve learned some valuable strategies, so I’m sending you light and love in hopes that you’l be fine ❤
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Thank You! ❤️❤️
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you have made heroic strides. Go well and steady. I am cheering you on!
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Thank you! 🤗
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Pingback: Therapy Ends; Now What? – Welcome to Gerry Stewart's
congratulations!
in such a crazy world
it’s amazing anyone
is truly sane 🙂
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Thank You! Its weird and I am slightly terrified. 😁
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Wow, you are amazing and brave. I am terrified of that day when it comes, but that is the goal, and you should feel incredibly proud of yourself for getting there.
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Thanks, I will!! 🤗
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Nobody really asks this question. Stay brave x
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I’m glad you liked it. It’s true. And it’s 7.15am here- lying in bed checking WordPress in my pjs! Must. Get. Up. Now. 😃
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Thank you so much. You brought big tears to my eyes! 😊 Its a different way to be, weird but oddly okay. And you are sooo, so right, help is just a phone call away when we need that extra support. Have a great evening G in Oz. 🌈😃❤️
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You are AMAZING, well done. You probably can’t quite imagine how much I respect your effort & courage… I hope you move smoothly into this new chapter, while feeling as safe as possible with all your tools & support. Therapy is always just a phone call away, & has helped me on & off for 25+ years; some of us need that extra assistance, & that’s fine with me: the world can be a very harsh place. May you enjoy the warm sun on your face every day, best wishes, G in Oz 😊
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I still have so many fears, but after 8 years 3 times a week therapy, I think I can try to use the tools in my tool box. Plus, I know that if I need to in the future, I can have therapy again if I need it. Summer, I live in HUGE fear that my PTSD will get the best of me. It is a tricky illness with the kind of triggers that both you and I face every day, and especially at certain times of the year. I think one of the most disappointing things I have had to accept the past month, especially the past few weeks is that, my therapist said, I am still unable to work, I can’t go more than two hours without symptoms, and that I have to contend with triggers constantly. I’m so glad you are in my life. You and I have the kind of trauma that sets us apart in a huge way. I’m by your side and I know you are by mine. Love to you my dear friend…enjoy the peace of your vacation this week. xx 🙂
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Thank You! It’s still a new and weird feeling, that is for sure! It will interesting to see how it goes in the next few weeks.
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hi alexis, thanks for sharing. i am glad you have ended therapy on a good and positive note. it gives me hope that some day I can, too. xo
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