The Journey of Self-Discovery

I was speaking with a good friend the other day. She has been going through immense change and self-discovery the past few years. As with most of us who take that journey, it is uncomfortable, scary, friend-changing, often lonely, sometimes peaceful, very discombobulating. But there is a certain point, where deep inside, you begin to feel the seeds of contentment, the knowing of who you really are at your core, take hold and reach up from the mud.

The past eight years has been a whirlwind of change for me. My life turned upside down because of my post-traumatic stress disorder and I had to decide, both consciously and unconsciously to heal, to change, or I would most probably die. It’s a sobering thought as I sit down to write this, but it was true. One day, very early on in therapy, my therapist and I were discussing the book The Alchemist, and he asked me to go home and think about what I wanted my personal legend to be and report it back to him in our next session. I took that homework very seriously, and I decided that my personal legend was to know the entire truth of my past, live with my eyes wide open, blinders off. To continually operate in a place of self-discovery, growth, and change. I knew how I was going to meet some of those goals but was at a loss on how I was going to maintain the intention of what I wanted my life’s purpose to look like as I continue to grow and change through time and experience.

I know the definition of my life’s purpose is who I want to be. I know I’m the author of my own story, and I get to choose how I want to be in the world. At this point in my life, it’s about choices and being proactive rather than reactive. It’s about aligning my personal values and beliefs with my actions and words while maintaining my integrity.

Self-discovery also comes with the knowledge that the truth often hurts and is uncomfortable on many levels including physical, spiritual, emotional and mental.

I love that we live in a time where self-discovery is an accepted way of life. I spent so much time in fear and hiding, squelching any dream of a life lived, only a life survived. Now, most times, I am able to live, speak, listen and learn from a place of safety and truth. Discovering the wonder and accepting of life and what it has to offer. Not getting in the way of who I am, and instead, letting myself be who I am, without my ego reminding me of the should haves, did nots, or can nots.

Self-discovery also comes with the knowledge that the truth often hurts and is uncomfortable on many levels including physical, spiritual, emotional and mental. There were times when I would begin processing a memory and I had to fight not to ignore it, or repress it again. I learned that by repressing what I had painfully remembered was making a choice to live in fear. If I wanted to live my life’s purpose, I had to begin to learn to forget how to forget. It wasn’t an easy path or the path of least resistance, but it was the only way I could see to begin to create the life I wanted.

My PTSD was the catalyst of change for me. I had to face certain truths about myself and was forced to look at the direction my life was going. Was I going to continue to allow my perpetrators to define who I am and how I live my life? Or do I find the strength to uncover who I really am at my core and how I want to live my life moving forward?  My illness gave me the choice to put my foot down and say, “enough is enough. I am not going to ride the tide of fortune and misfortune anymore. I’m going to make different choices because I have the power to do so.”

I am resolute on my goal of living with my eyes wide open, blinders off. To continually operate in a place of self-discovery, growth, and change.  Creating and restructuring my life’s purpose, choosing who I want to be is a lifelong, ever changing, non-linear journey but it’s empowering to know that often with each change, I grow and emerge stronger than before.

book

photo: Alexis Rose

Thank you for reading my memoir, Untangled, A Story of Resilience, Courage, and Triumph

http://www.amazon.com/Untangled-story-resilience-courage-triumph/dp/1514213222

https://www.amazon.com/Untangled-story-resilience-courage-triumph-ebook/dp/B013XA4856

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35 thoughts on “The Journey of Self-Discovery

  1. Larissa Hammond June 13, 2017 / 5:23 pm

    This was beautiful. I especially appreciated this part:
    “My PTSD was the catalyst of change for me. I had to face certain truths about myself and was forced to look at the direction my life was going. Was I going to continue to allow my perpetrators to define who I am and how I live my life? Or do I find the strength to uncover who I really am at my core and how I want to live my life moving forward?  My illness gave me the choice to put my foot down and say, “enough is enough. I am not going to ride the tide of fortune and misfortune anymore. I’m going to make different choices because I have the power to do so.””
    I completely agree. And have come to the same realization myself. Thanks for writing.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. 1Wise-Woman April 19, 2017 / 5:53 pm

    I ordered your book and am looking forward to reading it!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Joan Treppa April 19, 2017 / 2:03 pm

    You’re welcome, Alexis. I find those connections to be a major element in any journey. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Alexis Rose April 19, 2017 / 1:57 pm

    Thank You, Joan. I really appreciate the connection. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Joan Treppa April 19, 2017 / 1:52 pm

    Awesome piece. This is a journey similar to mine. Thanks for the added encouragement through your words!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. taurusingemini April 19, 2017 / 9:45 am

    It’s never easy, as the truth finally, revealed itself to you, but, the truth only show itself to you, because you ARE ready, to deal with it, otherwise, it would, stay hidden and live continously, inside your sub and unconcious…and, now you know the truth, you can, finally, start, to forgive yourself, for whatever it was that had happened to you when you were way too young, and finally, move on from it all!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Alexis Rose April 19, 2017 / 9:29 am

    Thank you so much for reblogging this post. 😊

    Like

  8. iwritedid April 19, 2017 / 7:38 am

    Reblogged this on I write DID and commented:
    A very enlightening and encouraging post to read.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. 1Wise-Woman April 19, 2017 / 3:37 am

    Powerful words. I love the sentence, “I get to choose how I want to be in the world.” Such a simple statement but it holds so much meaning and power. It’s such a challenge to learn and remember to live this way, especially when PTSD triggers are everywhere. You are an inspiration!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Alexis Rose April 19, 2017 / 3:14 am

    Thank You so much for reblogging this post!! 😊❤

    Like

  11. Alexis Rose April 19, 2017 / 2:48 am

    Wow, thank you so much. For my writing to remind you of anything Anne Lamott is an incredible compliment! You made my evening. Thank you for the feedback and follow. Im going to visit your blog now. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Alexis Rose April 19, 2017 / 2:45 am

    Thank You so much for reblogging this post, Jason. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Nostalgia Diaries April 19, 2017 / 2:05 am

    Just came across this post via the Opinionated Man… This reminds me of one of my favorite Anne Lamott quotes, which is from her amazing book “Help Thanks Wow”: “If we stay where we are, where we’re stuck, where we’re comfortable and safe, we die there. We become like mushrooms, living in the dark, with poop up to our chins. If you want to know only what you already know, you’re dying. You’re saying: Leave me alone; I don’t mind this little rathole. It’s warm and dry. Really, it’s fine. When nothing new can get in, that’s death. When oxygen can’t find a way in, you die. But new is scary, and new can be disappointing, and confusing – we had this all figured out, and now we don’t. New is life.” I just loved this post of yours — I’m a new follower.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Opinionated Man April 19, 2017 / 1:42 am

    Reblogged this on HarsH ReaLiTy and commented:
    Some honest truth. Some great blogging here.
    Note: Comments disabled here. Please visit their blog.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Alexis Rose April 18, 2017 / 11:42 pm

    Thats wonderful Karen. Im so glad you found my blog. I’ll check out yours right now. Alexis

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Karen Beth Courcy April 18, 2017 / 11:27 pm

    I found your blog and I am so glad I did … I also write about healing and PTSD and I write about my therapy sessions .. I love connecting with others who are on the same journey I am on . . . . I look forward to connecting … feel free to follow me as well.. I look forward to reading more of your blog

    Liked by 1 person

  17. TheOriginalPhoenix April 17, 2017 / 8:53 pm

    You’re welcome!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Alexis Rose April 17, 2017 / 5:59 pm

    Thank You! Im glad it resonates. 😊

    Like

  19. TheOriginalPhoenix April 17, 2017 / 5:10 pm

    *Such a beautifully written post. You nailed what self discovery is like! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  20. TheOriginalPhoenix April 17, 2017 / 5:09 pm

    This is such a beautifully written

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Alexis Rose April 17, 2017 / 3:09 pm

    Im so happy we are connected. I look forward to seeing your posts, they are so eclectic. Your honesty and compassion shines from you. Therapy can be a tricky thing, and it isnt for everyone that is for sure, and time constraints can make it more of a burden than helpful. (My opinion of course, as all the therapists shake their heads and say, noooo, not true 😊) I know the time will come when you get to move from the city, and focus on you and your needs. You do the best you can with what you have right now, thats all we can ask from ourselves. Much love to you this Monday. ❤️

    Like

  22. gifted_and_misunderstood April 17, 2017 / 2:08 pm

    “I know the definition of my life’s purpose is who I want to be. I know I’m the author of my own story, and I get to choose how I want to be in the world. At this point in my life, it’s about choices and being proactive rather than reactive. It’s about aligning my personal values and beliefs with my actions and words while maintaining my integrity.”

    LOVE!

    Liked by 1 person

  23. dancingpalmtrees April 17, 2017 / 1:55 pm

    I always enjoy reading your posts. They give me hope. I wish I had the support system you have. Therapy has not suited me in the past plus my hectic work schedule does not really permit me to spend time in a doctor’s office. However this is the life I’ve been given and I’ve got to make the most of it. I started reading The Alchemist but truly if there are other levels in this book I don’t see them. Then again I have so many things going on in my life that I can’t process the story. Right now my main focus is to care for my Autistic brother and maybe when I retire I can focus on me.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Soul Gifts April 17, 2017 / 1:04 pm

    Congratulations. You have done a massive amount of inner work to get to the space you are in. It’s onward and upward. Blessings for your journey forward 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

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