Choices – A Wonderful and Sometimes Frustrating Lesson

One of the best and often frustrating lessons that have unfolded from my journey of healing is that I learned I can make choices. Seems like a no-brainer, right?  I could talk the talk, especially whenever drama was involved, but to actually understand that I can make choices about my life was a concept that was a little unconscious for me. This is difficult to admit, but I’m thinking this may be a recurring issue in some people’s lives. Especially those of us who are are healing from trauma. 

Some of the Best Lessons:

I became aware that I can choose to be around people who are working or living towards self-discovery or I can choose to be around people who are satisfied to live with their eyes shut; unwilling to change, grow, and understand that in our world we need compassion and connectedness, not separateness and silence. I can choose to have the people in my life who aren’t toxic, and who want to walk that transformational self-discovery path that leaves you winded at times. 

I can choose to say what I think about a situation or give my opinion about what is happening in our country, our world.

I can choose to add to a conversation knowing that I’m not taking away from that person’s moment, but that instead I may be adding to their moment and a deep and like-minded dialogue can occur.  

I can choose to set boundaries with people. I can give my opinion, I can stick up for myself, I can say no, I can say yes, I can ask for what I want and what I think I need, and I can feel okay about asking for those things. I understand that I may not always get my needs met, but I learned I can never get them met if I don’t ask. That lesson took me right out of that “victimy” role, I would sometimes find myself in.

I know the above may seem basic and rudimentary but for me they were new concepts. I learned to make choices before the drama occurs. I don’t have to be afraid of who I am, or what I have to say.

I definitely was not a withering wallflower before, it’s just that now, I’m much more authentic and less afraid to be vulnerable. I found that I’m more likely to attract a group of people who are just as willing to be authentic and vulnerable as I have become, and have been able to let go of the ones who used their narcissism to get their own needs met at the expense of others. 

Now the frustrating part of choice:

I knew this all along….I would have told any of my friends, my kids, my husband, or strangers that we all have the ability to makes these choices. I would have said to anyone…be authentic, be vulnerable, take a risk, take a chance. It’s amazing how I can look back and say “Whoa, I used to do that?” I used to be so afraid of what others may think of me, or worse, be someone I wasn’t, because I was afraid people wouldn’t like the real me and run away. In truth, the opposite happened. My friendships, and relationships are much more satisfying now than they were eight years ago.

I will admit, there are times, I still get sucked in and find myself in a situation where I need to change or create a boundary. But that’s okay, it’s all a process and a practice.  The practice of living an authentic, connected and compassionate life.

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image: pixabay

 

 

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Thank you for reading my memoir, Untangled, A Story of Resilience, Courage, and Triumph

 

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26 thoughts on “Choices – A Wonderful and Sometimes Frustrating Lesson

  1. Dani April 10, 2017 / 3:14 am

    *not FEARING people’s responses. Haha. I realized that last sentence made no sense.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Alexis Rose April 9, 2017 / 11:22 am

    Thank you, Dani. When we realize that we can actually make choices, its a strange but wonderful kind of empowerment. Thanks for sharing and your insight. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Dani April 9, 2017 / 6:06 am

    Great writing! You mention that this seems like a rudimentary teaching, but so many of us have not learned this or are just now learning it. I was thinking about another aspect of choices is to understand that you still have choices even when you feel stuck. Sometimes the choices are lame, like I can say no to someone and they get mad at me or I say yes and do something I’m not comfortable with. I guess just realizing this power that we have makes it easier to make difficult decisions. And your point about not getting people’s responses–spot on!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Alexis Rose December 29, 2016 / 8:13 pm

    Thank You so much! This means a lot to me. I really appreciate your feedback, I love that we’ve connected through our blogs this year. Thanks for sharing it to your facebook page. If Summer limes it I will be able to see it. I think we are mutual facebook friends of hers. Happy New Year to you and your family. 💕

    Like

  5. Daisy in the Willows December 29, 2016 / 7:46 pm

    This touched so many of my senses. I really felt like you wrote these words about me! I know you didn’t lol- Shared it on FB. It’s an odd moment when we are aware that we are and can choices and we have personal responsibility for the consequences. It’s also a good reminder that when it comes to relationships (in general) it takes more than one person to create a dynamic.

    It reminds me to take responsibility for my actions but know I am not going to take on other people’s burdens 🙂

    “I definitely was not a withering wallflower before, it’s just that now, I’m much more authentic and less afraid to be vulnerable”
    I relate to this so much xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Opinionated Man December 27, 2016 / 7:19 pm

    Reblogged this on HarsH ReaLiTy and commented:
    Another great blog from Alexis! Also check out her book Untangled, A Story of Resilience, Courage, and Triumph! -OM
    Note: Comments disabled here. Please visit their blog.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Alexis Rose December 27, 2016 / 1:32 pm

    Thank you! Yes, I agree, it feels better all around if we stay authentic.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Alexis Rose December 27, 2016 / 1:27 pm

    Thank You so much for reblogging this. 😊

    Like

  9. Wiz December 27, 2016 / 7:09 am

    Reblogged this on Culture, Thoughts, and Reviews and commented:
    I think this situation is a reality for many people and we should all constantly strive towards becoming better versions of ourselves.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Alexis Rose December 27, 2016 / 3:46 am

    Thank You Barbara. You are so supportive with your comments. And I just have to say, as I read your posts and look at the things you make (your cards are amazing) Im so impressed! I have zero!! craft ability, huge respect for your talents. 💕

    Like

  11. Barbara December 27, 2016 / 2:09 am

    Simply put, you are a survivor, I couldn’t be more happy for you. You deserve to live a good life free from fear and oppression.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Alexis Rose December 26, 2016 / 6:49 pm

    Wow, Shelley…beautifully written. Thank You for sharing your insight. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Linda Lee/@LadyQuixote December 26, 2016 / 5:46 pm

    Reblogged this on A Blog About Healing From PTSD and commented:
    I like this post by author Alexis Rose so much, I just had to reblog it. Here are some things that particularly jumped out at me:

    “I don’t have to be afraid of who I am, or what I have to say.” ~This is a huge lesson to learn, one that I am still learning!

    “I used to be so afraid of what others may think of me, or worse, be someone I wasn’t, because I was afraid people wouldn’t like the real me and run away.” ~Oh yes, me too! I can still be like that at times, although I am getting better about this.

    Years ago, when my fellow nursing students shocked and honored me by electing me class president — something I did not ask for or expect — I was convinced that if they REALLY knew me, my “mental illness” history, etc, they would not like me. All the way through nursing school I worked super hard to maintain the image I thought was expected of a class president. It almost killed me, but I maintained perfect 4.0 grades in every subject all the way through, because I did not want to let anyone down.

    By the end of the year, I sensed that a large number of my classmates had come to regret electing me president. Now, I believe I probably would have been better liked if I had been a lot more authentic.

    “…there are times I still get sucked in and find myself in a situation where I need to change or create a boundary. But that’s okay, it’s all a process and a practice. The practice of living an authentic, connected and compassionate life.” ~I don’t have anything to add to this, Alexis Rose said it all, right there.

    Thank you for reading, God bless, and Happy New Year. I am keeping comments closed on this post, so you can visit the UNTANGLED blog and comment there, instead. ❤ ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  14. shellb39 December 26, 2016 / 5:31 pm

    Thanks You friend! This is empowering! Lesson one especially! Sometimes I encounter people who are “friendly” and I learn their self awareness is different then my own. I sometimes struggle here as in this new place I’m eager for connection. I am grateful for an awareness of these choices you remind us of. I wholeheartedly believe that the light and energy I express in any encounter are what attracts towards or deters from a mutual connection happening with an individual. My personal take-away is to be open and conscious in the moments of interaction, without judgment of the other, but at the same time recognizing my own choices going forward within the relationship, and being truthful with the needs my inner self.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Rebecca December 26, 2016 / 5:03 pm

    Really important to discover for one to be set free 💓

    Liked by 2 people

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