My PTSD – A Poem

Like so many others who live with PTSD or other chronic illness, people often ask, “what does it feel like?” I wrote this poem to explain what it feels like for me to live with post-traumatic stress disorder.

My PTSD 

It doesn’t matter if it’s cold, hot, sunny, snowing  or raining

There is no telling when it’s going to strike.

Are they alive or dead?

Is that pain real or echoes from pain long ago that

Resurface with a memory?

It’s like being held hostage by your mind

Thinking that today would be the day I am free.

I look like everyone else

I know the difference between right and wrong.

Yet in my head I sometimes can’t remember

The last ten minutes of my life, or what day, year or time it is.

Are those smells real or is that a smell from a place and time

when I was being held against my will.

Am I really hearing the sounds of helicopters, planes, cicadas or birds

Or it that the sound coming from a place that no longer exists and

Should never be talked about?

I want so much to be like everyone else.

So I will keep pulling myself up the rope,

Out of the clutches of PTSD and all the skeleton hands of the past that

Keep trying to pull me down.

I am like everyone else only my job is to live so I can live.

For now, that’s all I can ask of myself if I am going to have a future.

my PTSD

©Alexis Rose, photo: pixabay

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Thank You for reading my memoir, Untangled, A Story of Resilience, Courage, and Triumph

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25 thoughts on “My PTSD – A Poem

  1. tlohuis January 11, 2017 / 2:30 am

    I just have to laugh……………if you go read my most recent post, you won’t be thinking that about my husband….lol lol lol He can be very wonderful when he wants to be, then the rest of the time, no comment…..:) Men!!! Have a good night. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Alexis Rose January 10, 2017 / 11:06 pm

    Thank You so much for sharing your story. How scary and traumatic. I totally understand how this would be long lasting. Your husband sounds wonderfully supportive. Im so glad you have him to get up and check when you need him to. Have a good evening. Alexis

    Liked by 1 person

  3. tlohuis January 10, 2017 / 10:22 pm

    Thank you for sharing your heartfelt poem about what PTSD is like for you. I, too, have PTSD for more than one reason, but one of the things that has greatly contributed to it is that when I was around 10 years old, our house caught on fire in the middle of the night. It’s a long story as to why I blamed myself for us almost not getting out, not with the fire starting, but anyway that was one very traumatic experience in my childhood. I remember the fireman telling my mom that it was only minutes before the entire house would have been engulfed with smoke and gone up in flames. What this has done to me is, during times of great stress (that’s when it seems to happen the most) I’ll wake up in the middle of the night and swear I smell smoke. I panic. I awaken my husband, and tell him something is burning and he needs to get up and check, and he always does. But, after the first few times, he said, “honey, there’s nothing on fire. We have 8 smoke detectors in this house and they will go off if there is a fire. You know this happens all the time. I then tell him, I smell it, it’s burning, please, please, go check, and he does…….down to the garage, down to the basement, all around the main floor, in all the bedrooms, then back to bed with the same report as always………………nothing is on fire. Everything is fine. Go back to sleep……………………………………That happens often, in times of long lasting stress, it seems. Then I may go quite awhile before it happens again…………………But, it is very real. I smell smoke, just like I did on that fateful night……………I look forward to following your blog. Peace out. XX 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Alexis Rose December 23, 2016 / 12:11 pm

    Thank You for your kind words. I just checked out and began to follow your blog. Glad we’ve connected. Have a good weekend! Alexis

    Liked by 1 person

  5. karanblogs December 23, 2016 / 11:43 am

    Wow those emotions..As someone suffering from PTSD, I can totally get that..thank you for this wonderful poem 🙂
    And it would be my honor if you can check out my blog too and take a look at my poems anytime. I have just started 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Alexis Rose December 20, 2016 / 11:15 pm

    Thank You! Im so glad to hear there are times you can forget about it. That’s something to be proud of. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Private Bad Thoughts December 20, 2016 / 11:08 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing this-I try but often cannot capture it, because my PTSD doesn’t strike often, I generally forget I can get it. and then it comes back and its like I have to face the diagnosis all over again..gah. stay strong

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Shattered in Him December 15, 2016 / 9:16 pm

    Tears. Yes, it is the hand that threatens to pull me back. Thank you for the poem. Wow.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. ravenwing72 December 13, 2016 / 10:16 pm

    This strikes so many nerves for me. Brilliantly written.x

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Alexis Rose December 12, 2016 / 11:08 pm

    Thank You Barbara. You are always so kind. 🙂

    Like

  11. Barbara December 12, 2016 / 10:48 pm

    I cannot imagine, but I felt your words deeply. I wish you well.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. dbest1ishere December 12, 2016 / 8:12 pm

    This is very well written and wow did it hit home to me. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Rayne December 12, 2016 / 7:21 pm

    You’re a sweetheart! Thanks Alexis! Will still post that review once I’m done reading your book. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Alexis Rose December 12, 2016 / 6:35 pm

    Yes, absolutely it is okay to share this! I would be honored. In fact, one of the main reasons I wrote my book is because I found for some reason, I could articulate my feelings and knew that it may help others articulate them too. xx

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Rayne December 12, 2016 / 4:00 pm

    Thanks for sharing this. Is it okay if I read this to my therapist when she comes back in January? I struggle to put into words how I feel with regards to this.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Alexis Rose December 12, 2016 / 3:50 pm

    Validating for both of us. Sad for us, but glad we’re not alone. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Rayne December 12, 2016 / 3:46 pm

    I relate to this so much its scary. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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