If I Could Paint a Picture

My body is streaked with sweat and dirt from my desperate search to find safe shelter. I’m barefoot, in a grimy torn t-shirt and shorts; my hands and feet caked with dirt. My hair is filthy and matted. My mouth is dry; I can smell and taste the gritty dust that hangs in the air. I sit down on a curb at the side of the road, and I know it’s over.

I’m unbelievably weary, all my energy spent in the act of sitting down. I’m devastated…emotionally, mentally, and physically, and the worst of my wounds are invisible. My eyes fill up, but no tears fall. I can only sit amid the rubble, trying to trust the safety of the gray, silent sky.

Six years later, the scene has changed. I’m no longer living in fear of the tangled web of sadistic people who use threats to keep their victims terrified and questioning their sanity. I feel grateful. The therapist that I call my Sherpa is sitting next to me. He’s listened to and witnessed my entire story, and never deserted me. He understands my journey and sometimes shares my grief. He’s helped me honor my resilience; taught me the value of telling my story and the importance of just sitting with my truth. So we sit here together, quietly resting in that truth.

I’ve fully remembered and told the story of my first twenty years, of surviving the abuse, neglect, abandonment, and fear. I’ve left behind those who terrorized me. I’ve untangled myself. My courage has set me free, and now nothing can keep me tied to the past. I can truly live today with blinders off and eyes wide open.

From the introduction of Untangled, A Story of Resilience, Courage, and Triumph







Featured Image -- 1029

Thank you for reading Untangled




11 thoughts on “If I Could Paint a Picture

  1. I miss you too. Right now you get to heal, recluse, rest whatever you need at the moment. You’re going through some big shit. I know you’re there, just across the big ol’ pond waving to me. 🙋🏻

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank You so much for your wonderful support. You have also survived such huge trauma. You are amazingly string and a big inspiration when I read your writing. This is definitely one of the biggest gifts of blogging. The connections and support we can bring to each other. ❤️Alexis

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You paint amazingly vivid pictures with words. I read your words, and I am there, I am you.

    I love your book, because I have been there. The details are different, but the feelings are very similar.

    It takes a special, strong spirit, in harmony with the right kind of help, to untangle such a mess!

    Liked by 1 person

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