This past year has been a time of change. Some of it wonderful, healing, inspirational. Some of it sad, disappointing, shocking, leaving me stunned. That’s the beauty of understanding impermanence. Things change, everything changes and we change with it. Sometimes it’s been easy to let go of things, with a nod to the experience, other times it takes me months to process, understand, and accept. Sometimes the changes have been quite personal, other times on a national or global level.
The most valuable lesson I’ve learned the past year is to acknowledge the mirrors in my life. Sometimes these mirrors were the ones that ripped the mask off and exposed the person I didn’t want to be. Discontented, bitchy, clinging to things that no longer serve me, or trying to please people who try to control me, leaving me feeling less worthy. The other mirrors, the ones I gravitate towards the most are the ones who reflect back who I want to be, who I am without any masks. The person I have been working hard to become, losing the shame, the perfection, letting go of the control and coming from a place of love and altruism. Both of these mirrors have been important in my life.
Another most important mirror I need in my life is the mirror that reflects my struggle with healing from trauma. Sometimes the loneliness and pain from managing my PTSD symptoms feel unbearable. I ask myself what am I doing and why? I have to watch that I don’t go down the slippery slope of denial and convince myself, that my life was easy when I had my memories repressed. I was living an inauthentic and never be vulnerable life. It was awful, I was miserable on the inside. The only thing a mirror reflected back at that time was fear, shame, terror, and a vague sense of invisibility.
I’m happier now with the kinds of relationships that being both vulnerable and authentic has brought me. I no longer have the people in my life who want me to act a certain way, act accordingly, hide any emotion except happiness. I have kept some wonderful stood-the-test-of time relationships and formed new ones who are my mirrors, and I am theirs. It’s reciprocal and that brings a feeling of contentedness.
Some days, its still a lot easier for me to be someone’s mirror, then to accept the goodness that they reflect back to me. But I’m working on it.
When I get down, and the exhaustion of healing begins to get the best of me, I stop and acknowledge the wonderful mirrors in my life.
When I need reassurance on those really, really bad moments, I ask, “What am I doing?” and hear mirrored back to me, “Healing.”
photo image, pixabay
Thank you for reading my memoir, Untangled, A Story of Resilience, Courage, and Triumph
http://www.amazon.com/Untangled-story-resilience-courage-triumph/dp/1514213222
https://www.amazon.com/Untangled-story-resilience-courage-triumph-ebook/dp/B013XA4856
Thank You for the feedback, Ben! 🙂
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Alexis, thank you for sharing this great post with us
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Thank You! Im glad we’ve connected.
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This is so beautifully written! I just discovered your blog and I think your posts are really amazing. Stay strong X
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Thank You! What beautiful lyrics. Thank You for sharing this with me. 😊
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A beautiful post. You reminded me of the song “Mended”. Part of it goes like this:
“When you see broken beyond repair
I see healing beyond belief
When you see too far gone
I see one step away from home
When you see nothing but damaged goods
I see something good in the making
I’m not finished yet
When you see wounded, I see mended”
May you continue to heal. ❤
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Thank you! 😊
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Your final two lines are so inspiring! I think I might ask myself that same question from time to time.
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Thank You! And thank you for reblogging this! 💕
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Reblogged this on The Patchwork Diaries and commented:
This is beautiful. I really needed to read this today.
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Thank You so, so much!
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Pingback: Small Steps Up Mountains#19 – Watching the Daisies
Thank You! HUGE SMILE! 😁
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love, Love, LOVE this Alexis!
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Goodness that makes me very happy. x
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Thank You! On this awful rainy/snowy day you brought tears of gratitude to my eyes and turned my blah morning around. 🙂
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I was so humbled by your words I just HAD to include you next week. x
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I would love to be included in Small Steps up the Mountain. I feel so honored that you have asked me to be a part of this. Thank You so much! 💕
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I wonder if you would agree to be featured in my “Small Steps Up Mountains” post next Monday? I would like to include links to “Why I Write,” ” With Hope I Can Conquer Mountains” and “The MirrorsIn Our Life.” I know you already inspire many people with your writing. Many thanks.
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Thank you! That means so much to me. 😃
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Its so lovely to hear the way you have been growing. Its so encouraging. Healing takes time and work and the gifts do come. I am so glad you are enjoying those gifts. ❤ ❤
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It’s a AMAZING connection we share. So what if we’re seperated by an ocean 🙂
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Thank You. You are also not alone. Many of us are here to support and give the courage to keep going and healing. 💕
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Hey there Alexis, you are doing a bang up job of handling your PSTD, I just got diagnosed with it too. You are not alone in this fight. 🙂
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Thank You! That means a lot to me! Take good care today 🙂 Alexis
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We have a super-high powered across the sea mirror. How cool is that?!🙋🏻🙋🏻
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Thank You!!!! 💕
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I feel very humbled by your honesty and by this really heartfelt post. The mirror quote says it all. Take care.
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😘😍😁😆😇 You’re amazing. Mirror mirror on the wall Alexis Rose is the best of all 😂😆🙋🙆
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Yes, this is a most beautiful post.
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Thank You! I really appreciate this! Have a wonderful day. Alexis 🙂
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NOW, Im glad I pressed publish! Huge smiles two days in a row! ❤️👭❤️😁
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You too!
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Thank You! Im glad its resonates with you today. It was something I needed to write this morning as I was reflecting over the last week. Have a good day my friend! ❤️
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Thank You! Love that we are on similar paths. 🙂
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So well said Shelley! Lots of love and hugs to you! You are One of my dearest mirrors. 💜💚💙
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Thank You Liz! 😃
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This is a beautiful post. Thank you.
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Wow this is really nice…and inspiring at a time I need it the most!
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This is amazeballs!! Love it 🌞🌞🌞
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Nicely expressed. We share a similar path.
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Thank You! For being so honest with yourself and reflecting this on to me and so any others! What is in one is in another, the good, and the not so good! Recognizing this in my self has opened me to seeing the light in people. Tiny cracks that shine through their tough exterior walls. In this connection of reflecting I believe our mirrors, whether conscious of them or not we are shining our strength and goodness into the universe! Hugs to you dear friend! I love this post! 💕💖💕 Shelley
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I love this way of thinking, that the title of this his post brings. Wishng you many more wonderful tims ahead. x
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