It doesn’t matter if it’s cold, hot sunny, snowing or raining.
There is no telling when it’s going to strike.
Are they alive or dead?
Is that pain echoes from the pain long ago that resurfaces with memory?
It’s like being held hostage by your mind
Thinking that today will be the day I am free.
I look like everyone else.
I know the difference between right and wrong.
Yet in my head I often can’t remember
the last ten minutes of my life, or what day, year or time it is.
Are those smells real or is that a smell from a place and time when I
Was being held hostage against my will?
Am I really hearing the sounds of helicopters, planes, cicadas and birds?
Or is that the sound coming from a place that no longer exists
and should never be talked about?
I want so much to be like everyone else.
So I will keep pulling myself up the rope
Out of the clutches of PTSD
and the skeleton hands of the past that keep trying to pull me down.
I am like everyone else
only my job is to live, so I can live.
That’s all I can ask of myself some days if I’m going to have a future.
photo: pixabay
Thank you for reading my memoir, Untangled, A Story of Resilience, Courage, and Triumph
http://www.amazon.com/Untangled-story-resilience-courage-triumph/dp/1514213222
https://www.amazon.com/Untangled-story-resilience-courage-triumph-ebook/dp/B013XA4856
Thank You! 😀
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This is so poignant, Alexis. Sending you so much support. Annie.
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🙂
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Definitely a Tango 🙂
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Life is a dance, isn’t it!
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What I have learnt over time is that those who have gone through trauma of sorts just learn to live through it. They never completely forget, but they learn to enjoy the new life that they forge as they keep pushing forward. Can be frustrating, the dance forward and backwards, but I guess that’s the way the remembering is.
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Thank You for your feedback. Im glad you could identify with some of it. 😀
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Backwards and forwards. But don’t be like everyone else! I never want that. Living is good though. Getting through the day. Surviving the set back. Finding something—anything—to want. I identify.
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Yes that’s a huge comfort. When I’m better I’ll do a video
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Thank You! 🙂
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I hear you…It’s excruciating!! I know you will get this statement: I feel like I’m disappearing on the inside (mind, spirit) because it’s so hard to stay present without being swallowed up by the triggers everywhere. I feel like I’m a walking panic attack. We will keep each other anchored through it Summer. We’ve got each other this year.
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Very very nice! I love this.
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The lead up to Halloween is tortured. How are you bearing up poppet? Xxxxx 💕
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I hsve been thinking about you like crazy. Especially as I was writing this post. Sending you hugs! 💕💕💕
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Thanks my friend! 💕
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💝💝💝💝💝
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Thinking of you….hugs.
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