Beauty from Broken Pieces

I don’t hide in the shadows any longer. It was a conscious decision, although at the time I didn’t really know what that meant. My memoir was published a year ago. I went from no one knowing my story to letting the whole world know my story. It’s more than a story, it’s my life, my truth. It’s true that I don’t lay out all the sordid details of my past in my book, and very few people in my life have earned the right to hear all the details, but, I share enough of myself and the resulting struggles I have with PTSD that I’m comfortable with the volume of my voice and that I’m being heard and making some wonderful connections.

I still struggle every day. It’s the way it is for me. Fall is a particularly hard time of year. Now, instead of pretending all is well while feeling like my soul is being crushed into jagged shards, I’m honest with people. I have learned self-compassion. Instead of saying, “I’m fine” coupled with a thinly veiled smile, I say, “I’m triggered, I feel shitty, and I’m trying really hard to stay present.”

To my surprise, no one has turned their back on me this fall and shied away. They still want to do lunch, meet for coffee, go for walks, and keep engaging. This is new for me. While hiding in the shadows and always trying to be okay, I was unreachable. I was still social but it was different. I had a thick wall up, and my social circle was different. Aside from a core group of very good friends, I was surrounding myself with people who sometimes bordered on narcissistic. I was attracting those kinds of people because it was comfortable for me. I could navigate that personality. If fed my desire to hide. A funny thing happened when I emerged from the shadows after Untangled was released. The narcissists dropped me like a hot potato. I’m not sure why? But when that happened; it opened the door for some wonderful people who are also starting to emerge or have come from their own shadows to enter my life.

I was having coffee the other day with a friend who is just beginning her journey of openness. It’s tough, especially for someone like her, who is a bubbly, open-hearted, extrovert. She has had an extraordinary struggle in her life. Her truth is real, and it’s shocking, and it’s gut-retching, and it’s her past. My friend, like me, had to repress her past in order to have a life.  Until that sneaky past caught up to her and she knew that if she wanted a fulfilling present and a hopeful future she had to look at these things square in the face and deal with them. I don’t know if she has PTSD, I don’t ask. But I relate to and greatly admire the courage she displays in the face of such turmoil and growth right now.

As we were having coffee, she brought out a package wrapped in netting and a ribbon. It was the beautiful rock that is pictured in this post. Rocks are extremely important to me. I started connecting with them when I was alone and being tortured in a country far from home. I picked up a white rock, put it in my pocket and knew that if I died and no one found me, I at least had a solid connection to something; a rock, the earth. I still have that rock in my jewelry box. Since then, I pick up rocks from everyday random and also wonderous places. I give rocks as gifts and use rocks as an activity when I do creativity workshops.

Coming out of the shadows is still a new way of life, and sometimes it still feels like an enormous risk. I feel broken, mostly from having to live with the symptoms of PTSD, but when I put that beautiful rock, with the pieces of glass, the double spiral beads and felt the solid heft weighing in my palm, I felt overcome with tears of gratitude and connection. Connections are what ground me. I found it was a constant struggle to let people connect to me when I lived in the shadow of fear.

My friend, who had no idea what rocks meant to me, said that she loves to create things from broken glass. She calls it Beauty from Broken Pieces. To me, that is a beautiful mantra for all us. You can’t get through adulthood without having some broken pieces, but we can find some beauty in our shards.

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Thank you for reading my memoir, Untangled, A Story of Resilience, Courage, and Triumph

http://www.amazon.com/Untangled-story-resilience-courage-triumph/dp/1514213222

https://www.amazon.com/Untangled-story-resilience-courage-triumph-ebook/dp/B013XA4856

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57 thoughts on “Beauty from Broken Pieces

  1. reallifeusblog October 18, 2016 / 1:40 am

    Yes! It feels good to know there are people rooting for me, to find support. Thanks. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Alexis Rose October 17, 2016 / 2:22 am

    Thank You! I appreciate your feedback so much. Sometimes its hard to share the truth, that vulnerable feeling is excruciating sometimes, but I keep practicing. Your feedback helps…plus we get to pull for each other. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  3. reallifeusblog October 17, 2016 / 2:10 am

    This is an inspiring post. Sharing your truth is giving others strength, giving me strength. I am still working on this type of openness. It’s hard but feels innately right. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Esther October 12, 2016 / 6:36 pm

    Hi Alexis. I know opening up about all, even though not all, would be a difficulty. I still struggle with myself on that issue, but I believe that act alone is a very brave one.
    It is an inspiring one.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Alexis Rose September 26, 2016 / 11:15 pm

    Thank you for reblogging this post. 🙂

    Like

  6. Alexis Rose September 26, 2016 / 7:45 pm

    Thank You for sharing my post and thank you for your kind words. Have a wonderful day! 🙂 Alexis

    Like

  7. Alexis Rose September 26, 2016 / 4:36 pm

    I love kintsugi. Its a wonderful art. 🙂 Alexis

    Like

  8. Alexis Rose September 26, 2016 / 4:12 pm

    Thank You very much for reblogging this post. 😀 Alexis

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Alexis Rose September 26, 2016 / 4:11 pm

    Thank You for reblogging my post. I really appreciate it. 😀 Alexis

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Alexis Rose September 26, 2016 / 4:10 pm

    Thank You Jason. I appreicate this very much! 😃 Alexis

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Opinionated Man September 26, 2016 / 2:55 pm

    Reblogged this on HarsH ReaLiTy and commented:
    What a great title! And worth the read! -OM
    Note: Comments disabled here. Please visit their blog.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. watchingthedaisies September 18, 2016 / 2:21 pm

    Thank you for sharing your truth. I am so glad you have such a thoughtful friend. Best wishes.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Alexis Rose September 18, 2016 / 12:37 pm

    Thank You! The picture didnt do it much justice, its so pretty!! Have a good day today. 💕

    Like

  14. bethanyk September 18, 2016 / 5:54 am

    I love this post and btw. I love rocks and shells and stones. I love what she gave you!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Alexis Rose September 18, 2016 / 3:27 am

    Thank You very much. That means a lot to me. 💕Alexis

    Liked by 1 person

  16. michnavs September 18, 2016 / 2:50 am

    It is truely amazing at how someone but basically the other side of the world could have been so honest. ..being honest could sometimes mean opening up our hearts and soul which in a way could be taken against us…but this one is bravely written.

    I truely wish you the best of peoplea around

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Alexis Rose September 17, 2016 / 2:30 pm

    Thank You for reblogging my post. ❤️Alexis

    Like

  18. Singledust September 17, 2016 / 2:30 pm

    Oh I am far from any talent Alexis dear! Just random thoughts to fill a void. But I do thank you for the lovely words. We are in this together!

    Liked by 1 person

  19. dancingpalmtrees September 17, 2016 / 2:24 pm

    Reblogged this on A Call to Witness and commented:
    Isaiah 61:3

    New King James Version (NKJV)

    3 To console those who mourn in Zion,
    To give them beauty for ashes,
    The oil of joy for mourning,
    The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
    That they may be called trees of righteousness,
    The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.”

    Liked by 2 people

  20. Alexis Rose September 17, 2016 / 12:48 pm

    Thank you so much! When I can move such a talented writer as yourself, wow, that makes me feel good. You have such a beautiful spirit, your truth comes out in your short stories, when there is pain in the story or with one of the characters you can feel it. Have a wonderful weekend Gina. 💕💕

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Alexis Rose September 17, 2016 / 12:42 pm

    Thanks Daisy! It feels better and uses a lot less energy to be authentic and does feel a lot more grounding. Have a wonderful weekend! ❤️ Alexis

    Like

  22. Alexis Rose September 17, 2016 / 12:39 pm

    Thank you K E. Your support has been wonderful and gratefully appreciated. I was going to listen to a podcast interview Iyanla did on sounds true, I will listen for sure now. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Singledust September 17, 2016 / 11:58 am

    This is a beautiful share Alexis, and it comes straight from your heart that continues to look for love among brokenness, love for humanity and all the good things taken away from a time long ago but somehow still comes back to haunt you, I know those feelings so well and I have hid and am still in hiding for I am afraid i will crumble if I open up, so i am really proud to read that you are brave and live life with hope and keep moving forward, it’s a huge inspiration and motivation for people like me, still stuck in the hurt. I loved the creating something pretty out of broken things, too often we throw things away and never see the beauty they could be, a little battered but still worthy, that’s how i feel after reading your post. thank you!

    Liked by 2 people

  24. Daisy in the Willows September 17, 2016 / 6:57 am

    Hi alexis, I have found by honouring my true feelings and not hiding my narrative. My truth that people start to open up about themselves. They are able to become more vulnerable. This is a strength in my opinion. I’m glad you are having positive experiences from sharing your story and looking after yourself x

    Liked by 1 person

  25. K E Garland September 17, 2016 / 6:14 am

    Iyanla Vanzant has a book called Peace from Broken Pieces about her own journey, so I think this post is fitting and relevant for many. Thanks again for sharing your story. I’m sure you’ve made it “okay” for others to open up and be authentic.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Alexis Rose September 17, 2016 / 3:48 am

    Tamara, thank you so much for your comment. I appreciate knowing that Im successful with writing in a relateable and not overwhelming style. That really does mean a lot to me. I love your insight into the narcissist behavior, just so spot on. The fan-club statement is completely accurate. Im glad you are out of that marriage, and hoping that your grand-baby has is healthy and she is cancer free. Rest well my friend! Alexis

    Like

  27. Tamara Kulish September 17, 2016 / 3:39 am

    Wonderful and honest! You have a way of imparting just enough so we understand your struggles and yet not too much that it would be overwhelming!

    Why did the narcissists drop you? Well, by revealing who you are, you stopped being just an audience to them! They intrinsically knew that more would be required of them! They’d need to put in at least half the effort you put into them, and that’s already too much for them to do! Don’t get me wrong, they’re not lazy, they just want all their energy and all of your’s to revolve around them, not even be 50-50!

    Those aren’t true relationships… They’re more like fan clubs, if you will!

    My second husband was a staunch narcissist! The stronger I became, the more he tried to pull me backwards and the rockier the marriage got! When my baby granddaughter got rediagnosed with cancer four years ago and I came out to help my daughter with the kids, he was having meltdowns on the phone with me because he was no longer the focus of my time and attention! He was resentful of a sick baby! Oh, he didn’t say so, but his acting out told a different story! Yup, I divorced him! Should have done it sooner, but a narcissist is an expert at the con, and drawing us back in!

    I think you’re better off now! Much better off!

    Peace, Tamara

    Liked by 3 people

  28. Alexis Rose September 17, 2016 / 2:04 am

    Thank You! From one sweetheart to another! You and your wife have a wonderful weekend. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  29. thelonelyauthorblog September 17, 2016 / 1:20 am

    That is interesting. My annuversary is coming up next week. So you must be one of my first blogs. With all due respect, I think you are a sweetheart. I know in these politically correct times we aren’t supposed to say that. But I think you are sweet. Pleasyre to follow your blog. And I was touched by this post.

    Be happy. Be well. Remember you have a friend here.

    Liked by 2 people

  30. Alexis Rose September 16, 2016 / 7:58 pm

    Thank You. Im so grateful for your friendship and support! 💕💕 Have a wonderful, peaceful weekend. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  31. Alexis Rose September 16, 2016 / 7:51 pm

    Thank You Terry! Your support means the world to me. I will have a good weekend and I want you to have one too. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  32. Courage Coaching September 16, 2016 / 7:41 pm

    ” You can’t get through adulthood without having some broken pieces, but we can find some beauty in our shards.”
    What a wonderful post and so heart-warming! You are inspiring many and I hope you are doing ok. Hugs x

    Liked by 4 people

  33. summer.shines September 16, 2016 / 7:11 pm

    Amazing post Xxxxxxxxx I hear you and I’m with you in spirit X I am so thankful to have met you midway through my healing journey 😘

    Liked by 4 people

  34. spearfruit September 16, 2016 / 7:11 pm

    Beauty from Broken Pieces, I very much nice that mantra also! Thank you Alexis for sharing your inspiring story and this wonderful post. I hope you have a great weekend.

    Liked by 2 people

  35. Alexis Rose September 16, 2016 / 5:27 pm

    Ruth-Anne thank you so much for your comment. Im glad to hear you resisted and didnt delete your blog. We can support each other through our healing journeys. I love your comment about the good magic. It made me smile and brought some much needed peace at the moment. Have a wonderful weekend. 💕 Alexis

    Liked by 2 people

  36. Ruth-Anne West September 16, 2016 / 4:55 pm

    Reading you today was comforting. Connections are indeed grounding and as I’m in my moment of baby steps into public sharing I appreciate your transparency regarding the process. This morning I wanted to delete my blog, again. My devotion stopped me. My baby sister collected rocks all through our childhood; big, fist sized boulders which she kept in a painted jewelry box. Nature has always been a good, nonjudgmental friend.
    I also love that the power of your truthful sharing scared all the narcs away. What good magic.

    Liked by 3 people

  37. Alexis Rose September 16, 2016 / 4:31 pm

    Thank You. Opening up is still so hard. For so many reasons and has so many layers. Imnot sure it gets easier but at least we know we arent so alone on our healing journey. You have a good day too! 💕

    Liked by 3 people

  38. piratepatty September 16, 2016 / 4:17 pm

    Thanks, I needed to hear this today! I myself am made entirely of broken pieces and I simply try to keep them in place. It’s the opening up that was hard for me. Telling people I’m feeling not comfortable here instead of just sneaking out and leaving them wondering. Have a good day!

    Liked by 3 people

  39. Alexis Rose September 16, 2016 / 3:51 pm

    Thank You Kristina! Your comment just helped me exhale a little bit. 💕💕

    Liked by 2 people

  40. Alexis Rose September 16, 2016 / 3:50 pm

    Thank You! Your comment brought tears to my eyes. I think the blessings come into my life more and more, certainly through this lovely blogging community too, which you are solidly a part of, in fact I think you were one of the first followers I had when I started blogging last October. So thank you for all your support the past 11 months. 😃 Alexis

    Liked by 2 people

  41. Kristina Cox September 16, 2016 / 3:27 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing this. It makes me feel so much more comfortable about accepting my ptsd. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  42. thelonelyauthorblog September 16, 2016 / 3:01 pm

    Thank you for this honest post. It must have been difficult for you to write this. I hope each new day brings you a dozen blessings. I hope you have learned enough about yourself and your true worth, so you do not have to surround yourself with the wrong people.

    You deserve so much more. Be happy. Be well.

    Liked by 7 people

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