My PTSD (a poem)

It doesn’t matter if it is cold, hot, sunny, snowing or raining.

There is no telling when it’s going to strike.

 

Are they alive or dead?

Is that pain real or echoes from pain long ago that

Resurface with a memory?

It’s like being held hostage by your mind.

Is today the day I am set free?

 

I look like everyone else.

I know the difference between right and wrong.

Yet in my head I sometimes can’t remember

The last ten minutes of my life, or what day, year or time it is.

 

Are those smells read or is that a smell from a place and time when I

Was being held against my will?

Am I really hearing the sounds of helicopters, planes,

Cicadas, and birds?

Or is that the sound coming from a place that no longer exists and

Should never be talked about?

 

I want so much to be like everyone else.

So I will keep pulling myself up the rope.

Out of the clutches of PTSD and all the skeleton hands of the past that

Keep trying to pull me down.

My job is to live, so I can live.

That’s all I can ask of myself if I am going to have a future.

©Alexis Rose

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31 thoughts on “My PTSD (a poem)

  1. Alexis Rose August 7, 2016 / 1:18 pm

    Thank You, I will most definitely do that! 🙂

    Like

  2. rain poet August 7, 2016 / 12:24 pm

    You’re welcome to surf thoughts of my journey through poetry too, any time!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. rain poet August 6, 2016 / 9:16 pm

    Stay strong and thanks for sharing your journey

    Liked by 1 person

  4. dochtersions May 28, 2016 / 6:44 pm

    Suffering PTSD myself, I recognise everything in your very moving words. I would like to endorse the words of bodyelectricweb.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. atribeuntangled May 21, 2016 / 11:47 pm

    Thank You! I totally get it about describing dissociation. If its about losing time, or being disconnected from my body, or Who is That in the mirror. Its hard to describe sometimes isnt it! Someday hopefully hopefully we wont have to describe it. Someday ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  6. ambivalencegirl May 21, 2016 / 7:11 pm

    That so describes PTSD. I have been trying to describe dissociation and it’s just so difficult. It takes different forms and I’m not past or present and that nothingness is just so scary.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. K E Garland May 17, 2016 / 3:26 pm

    Hey luv! Just bought your book – will let you know when I’m done and have completed an Amazon review.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. atribeuntangled May 17, 2016 / 2:15 pm

    Thank You Emily. I really appreciate your comment. Have a wonderful day today! 💜

    Like

  9. atribeuntangled May 17, 2016 / 4:52 am

    No way I can lose with the wonderful supportive we have here! ❤️❤️💖

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Sweets Ross May 17, 2016 / 3:57 am

    You will conquer it, or at the least, kick its face in. You’re above those skeletons on the rope – so you’ve got an advantage. And you’ve got all of us cheering you on.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Ann E. Laurie May 17, 2016 / 3:56 am

    Beautiful and sad and true.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. shelleyb552 May 17, 2016 / 3:08 am

    I’m glad and it’s true…we’re all unique and we just have to learn to love ourselves just as we are… ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  13. atribeuntangled May 17, 2016 / 2:16 am

    You just brought a HUGE smile to my face. ❤️❤️❤️

    Like

  14. shelleyb552 May 17, 2016 / 12:57 am

    Beautiful Alexis! You don’t have to be like everybody else, you only have to be just like you…that’s it darlin…you got this…. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  15. bodyelectricweb May 16, 2016 / 9:31 pm

    You’re very welcome darlin-I’m just grateful to have found someone brave who speaks my language. I will have a stab at poetry tomorrow, eek! It’ll be a challenge and different to my usual writing Xxx 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  16. atribeuntangled May 16, 2016 / 9:22 pm

    Thank You for sharing this. I really appreciate you and your support. ❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  17. bodyelectricweb May 16, 2016 / 9:11 pm

    Reblogged this on I SING THE BODY ELECTRIC and commented:
    Another reblog-a quality poetic description of life in the clutches of PTSD xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  18. atribeuntangled May 16, 2016 / 7:03 pm

    Thank You. I find more peace each day. ❤️

    Like

  19. DaisyWillows May 16, 2016 / 6:59 pm

    PSTD sounds harrowing. I hope one day (sooner rather than later) you can find some kind of peace x

    Liked by 1 person

  20. bodyelectricweb May 16, 2016 / 3:02 pm

    This is very moving, and a very accurate and relatable description of what PTSD from childhood trauma is like. I feel just like this myself, so had to leave a comment encouraging you to keep writing, and I hope writing will grant you some freedom from your torment xxx 💛

    Liked by 2 people

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