Creating and restructuring my life’s purpose

The past eight years has been a whirlwind of change for me. My life turned upside down because of my post-traumatic stress disorder and I had to decide, both consciously and unconsciously to heal, to change, or I would most probably die. It’s a sobering thought as I sit down to write this, but it was true. One day, very early on in therapy, my therapist and I were discussing the book The Alchemist, and he asked me to go home and think about what I wanted my personal legend to be and report back to him next session. I took that homework very seriously, and I decided that my personal legend was to know the entire truth of my past, live with my eyes wide open, blinders off. To continually operate in a place of self-discovery, growth, and change. I knew how I was going to meet some of those goals, but was at a loss on how I was going to maintain the intention of what I wanted my life’s purpose to look like as I continue to grow and change through time and experience.

I know the definition of my life’s purpose is who I want to be. I know I’m the author of my own story, and I get to choose how I want to be in the world. At this point in my life, it’s about choices and being proactive rather than reactive. It’s about aligning my personal values and beliefs with my actions and words while maintaining my integrity.

At the beginning of my endeavor it often looked like a question/answer session. What does it mean to live life with my eyes wide open? Is it about knowing and accepting the past without forgetting it, so I can become my version of complete? Or is it a metamorphosis of who I was, who I am and who I will be? Maybe it’s all three. As I think about how I want to spend my life and who I want to be, I am guided by a more mature and spiritual self because of the time I spent in therapy, meditation, growth and self-reflection.

I love that we live in a time where self-discovery is an accepted way of life. I spent so much time in fear and hiding, squelching any dream of a life lived, only a life survived. Now, most times, I am able to live, speak, listen and learn from a place of safety and truth. Discovering the wonder and accepting of life and what it has to offer. Not getting in the way of who I am, and instead letting myself be who I am, without my ego reminding me of the should haves, did nots, or can nots.

Self-discovery also comes with the knowledge that the truth often hurts and is uncomfortable on many levels including physical, spiritual, emotional and mental. There were times when I would begin processing a memory and I had to fight not to ignore it, or repress it again. I learned that by repressing what I had painfully remembered was making a choice to live in fear. If I wanted to live my life’s purpose, I had to begin to learn to forget how to forget. It wasn’t an easy path or the path of least resistance, but it was the only way I could see to begin to create the life I wanted.

My PTSD was the catalyst of change for me. I had to face certain truths about myself, and was forced to look at the direction my life was going. Was I going to continue to allow my perpetrators to define who I am and how I live my life? Or do I find the strength to uncover who I really am at my core and how I want to live my life moving forward.  My illness gave me the choice to put my foot down and say, “enough is enough. I am not going to ride the tide of fortune and misfortune anymore. I’m going to make different choices because I have the power to do so.”

It’s been a very painful, yet purposeful journey the past eight years. I am resolute on my goal of living with my eyes wide open, blinders off. To continually operate in a place of self-discovery, growth, and change.  Creating and restructuring my life’s purpose, choosing who I want to be is a life long, ever changing, non-linear journey but it’s empowering to know that often with each change, I grow and emerge stronger than before.

 

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25 thoughts on “Creating and restructuring my life’s purpose

  1. Alexis Rose September 11, 2016 / 3:16 am

    Thank You so much! I really appreciate your comment. If you do read Untangled I would love to have your feedback! 😃

    Like

  2. themaddestofhattersblog September 11, 2016 / 3:03 am

    Alexis, first of all, congrats on making these powerful steps to really owning and crafting your story! Mental illness can make those steps so daunting – I am extremely excited to read your story to come! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Soul Gifts May 1, 2016 / 3:34 am

    You have an inspiring story to tell. And your poetry is just beautiful 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. atribeuntangled April 28, 2016 / 5:52 pm

    Thank you very much Jackie. Your feedback always means the world to me. ❤️ Alexis

    Like

  5. jacquelineobyikocha April 28, 2016 / 3:34 pm

    Keep going strong at it and this overflows with inspiration. Yes indeed, you can reclaim your life, own it and live it to the hilt. Great post.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. atribeuntangled April 28, 2016 / 2:32 pm

    Thank You Shelley. I appreciate your feedback. 🙂 Alexis

    Like

  7. shellb39 April 28, 2016 / 11:49 am

    Wow! You have come so Far! This writing is powerful in such an inspiring way! Thank you!!

    Shelley

    >

    Liked by 1 person

  8. shelleyb552 April 28, 2016 / 2:27 am

    Reclaiming who you are and taking your power back are two of the most healing things you can do. Good luck on your journey.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. atribeuntangled April 27, 2016 / 6:30 pm

    ooooo, I LOVE that! I can’t wait to hear what you come up with. I’m right there with you! 🙂 Alexis

    Liked by 1 person

  10. atribeuntangled April 27, 2016 / 6:28 pm

    Wow, I’m so thrilled to read this. I think it is magnificent what you have overcome, and I love that you are leaning into the happiness and peace that you are living with now. I agree, life begins anew. So grateful to be able to relate to each other in the awfulness of PTSD, and also the relief of having some hard-earned peace. I’m looking forward to further connection on our journey through our blogs. Alexis

    Like

  11. atribeuntangled April 27, 2016 / 6:25 pm

    Thank You so very much for your feedback. I’m just really touched by your comment. It helps keep me motivated to stay the course, where ever it leads. Have a great afternoon. Alexis

    Like

  12. Ann E. Laurie April 27, 2016 / 4:37 pm

    This is so beautiful. Now you’ve got me thinking, What’s my personal legend? What was it before and what now, and what is my life’s purpose?

    Liked by 1 person

  13. carolineturriff April 27, 2016 / 4:00 pm

    I love this post and the way you have taken ownership of your story and destiny away from the perpetrators. I think that is the highest goal of therapy and all spiritual work. I also have PTSD which made my entire recovery from alcohol and drugs incredibly difficult and traumatic. I found no effective treatment for the PTSD until it almost ruined my life causing me to have a nervous breakdown at the end of 2013. I started doing crazy OCD checking rituals 10 hours a day – my OCD has always been a symptom of my PTSD. I became totally dysfunctional and ended up in bed for 3 months and had to tackle the PTSD initially through medication but then through EMDR trauma therapy the leading treatment for PTSD. Through the EMDR I recovered from the PTSD which is no longer blighting my life and the OCD has almost disappeared. I am free of the control that the perpetrators of my abuse still had over my life am in recovery from all my addictions and mental health problems and am happier and more peaceful than I have ever been. I feel my life is just beginning now!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. theutopiauniverse April 27, 2016 / 3:59 pm

    What a wonderful positive attitude to take control of your life and to move forward, you must be very proud of yourself, you are doing a wonderful job, and I agree the ability you now have to go out and share your personal growth

    Liked by 1 person

  15. atribeuntangled April 27, 2016 / 3:41 pm

    Thank You so much for your feedback DaisyWillows. I’m excited that we are connected too. I love that we are able to connect with like-minded people who are also on this life’s journey.
    Alexis

    Like

  16. atribeuntangled April 27, 2016 / 3:32 pm

    Thank You so much for your feedback. I always appreciate when you read what I write. So glad we’ve connected.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. DaisyWillows April 27, 2016 / 3:27 pm

    I admire your resilience and positive attitude to re claim your life. I agree with you 100% it is a wonderful time we live in where we are encouraged to discover who we truly are and embrace the good and bad and have the ability to work on aspects we want to improve, find out more about or strengthen. Thank you for the follow by the way 🙂 can’t wait to read about this highly imaginative process of self discovery. We share a common goal 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  18. SpiritualJourney17 April 27, 2016 / 3:04 pm

    So proud of you to move past and learn from the journey you’ve been in the last 8 years. It’s growing pains..but as you’ve mentioned “grew and emerged stronger than before”. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

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