A cloudy week of PTSD

I want to wrap my brain/mind and myself in a straight jacket, cover it with honey and be put in a room with puppies so that I feel the happiness of drooling slimy puppy breath that brings smiles from oozing love.

I want this new person that I sometimes don’t recognize and feels like a shadow to go away and give me room to  continue to become the person I was feeling good about working on last week. Even though I didn’t know who I was becoming, at least I felt whole.

I want to deep breathe naturally not because I find myself holding my breath as I come out a flashback.

I want to ease the pain in my body that I know is not really there, but is there because of body memories. How about some medicine for the pain in my psyche that feels so bruised and damaged?

I want to be able to have a conversation with someone that doesn’t sound like I’m speaking through a plexiglass partition, wondering if that is really my voice saying those words; I wonder if the person knows I’m triggered?

I want to know that my pain-filled, mixed-up, fragile brain will settle down and I once again will be able to get back to the business of healing.

I want to know that this week is just a glitch. That I will once again be moving slowly along the scale of fucked-up-edness and that this feeling of sliding into the abyss of PTSD will end and I will not become a sad statistic.

I want to know that even though I don’t have the strength of mind, body and emotion right now that I am still mega-tons stronger than any abuser that ever tried to kill me physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually!   

It’s been a cloudy week of PTSD!

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15 thoughts on “A cloudy week of PTSD

  1. atribeuntangled January 12, 2016 / 6:11 pm

    Yes, and antibiotics and some pain killers. I should be good as new soon!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. ravenwing72 January 12, 2016 / 6:09 pm

    The lucky thing is, that your mouth heals very quickly. Have you been advised to use a saltwater mouthwash?

    Like

  3. atribeuntangled January 12, 2016 / 6:04 pm

    Funny you should ask. I had a wisdom tooth out today. So Im feeling Ouch!!! And unfortunately any stress like that triggers flashbacks. But now Im home with pain meds. Thank You for asking. I really appreciate it!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. ravenwing72 January 12, 2016 / 6:00 pm

    I hope so too. How are you feeling today?

    Like

  5. atribeuntangled January 11, 2016 / 7:32 pm

    Thank You! I appreciate you stopping by and reading this very, very much 😀

    Like

  6. mandybee January 11, 2016 / 7:28 pm

    keep going, girl. this is a wonderful piece- thank you for writing and sharing it. ✨

    Like

  7. atribeuntangled January 10, 2016 / 3:29 pm

    😔 My hope is all of us who feels these things come out the other side. Im convinced we will.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. ravenwing72 January 10, 2016 / 3:01 pm

    I know all this, so well. 😦

    Like

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