A place of peace

I’m sitting in this place of peace, listening to the waves hitting the rocks reveling in the joy of their hypnotic cadence. The water sparkles like diamonds as the sun plays upon it. The seagulls are flying overhead and occasionally land on the rocky beach in pairs of two or three. They rest on the rock and seem to also be gazing out over the restless water. Next to me in the tree, I watch a spider lord over her intricate web that is filled with little bugs trapped in her silk. Off in the distance, tall purple flowers are swaying just a bit in the breeze. My triggers are reset. I am at peace, not judging, not thinking, not talking, and just resting.

Then out of the blue, it happens. First it comes as a sort of uneasiness in my stomach, and then the diamond reflections on the water became cartoonish, the bugs in the background are the noises of the desert then a wave of emotion takes my breath and stops my lungs and the world starts to morph. I can feel myself being pulled away. Just sit with it until it passes I can hear myself think in my distant mind. I feel myself stand up. Always standing, watching as others or myself “happen.”

It passes. The water becomes fluid again, the breeze touches my ice cold skin in the burning sun, the muscles in my stomach, head, arms and lungs ache from being contracted and I am standing there. Wondering what did I do wrong in this place that was just moments ago, wonderful and restful and safe. I turned it into a place where I failed to stay grounded and living normally amongst the people. Standing there turning beautiful places and people into nightmares. I want to turn and walk away. 

But I don’t walk away, I sit down, my triggers are reset, I try to feel the peace, not judging, not thinking, not talking, just resting, telling myself “just be.”

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5 thoughts on “A place of peace

  1. atribeuntangled January 21, 2016 / 8:43 pm

    Thank You so much! I really appreciate this. I feel very called to share my expereinces with others. Its a long healing journey…it helps to have a collective support.

    Like

  2. richp45198 January 21, 2016 / 8:34 pm

    Thank you for visiting my blog at psycheandspirit.net. Your own writing is very powerful. Your work will be a very helpful resource in my own work as a trauma therapist

    Richard Patterson
    El Paso TX

    Liked by 1 person

  3. atribeuntangled January 9, 2016 / 7:54 pm

    It could have been anything that triggered the flashback. Sometimes the way the wind blows or the sounds of birds singing. Sometimes they are very unpredictable. Thank-You for asking.

    Like

  4. Saunsea January 9, 2016 / 7:52 pm

    What do you think was happening when “uneasiness” came? What did you learn from that experience?

    Like

  5. Jodine December 31, 2015 / 5:07 pm

    Yes, just be. 😎

    Like

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