I think one of the best and frustrating lessons that have unfolded from my journey of healing is that I learned I can make choices. Seems like a no-brainer, right? I could talk the talk, especially whenever drama was involved, but to actually understand that I can make choices about my life was a concept that was a little unconscious for me. This is a hard one to admit, but I’m thinking that this is a recurring issue in some people’s lives. Especially those of us who are are healing from trauma.
Some of the Best Lessons:
I became aware that I can choose to be around people who are working or living towards self-discovery or I can choose to be around people who are satisfied to live with their eyes shut. I can choose to have the people in my life who are not toxic, and who are wanting to walk that transformational self-discovery path that leaves you winded at times.
I can choose to say what it is that I think about a situation or give my opinion.
I can choose to add input to a conversation knowing that I’m not taking away from that person’s moment, that instead I may be adding to their moment and a deep and like-minded dialogue can occur.
I can choose to set up boundaries with people. I can give my opinion, I can stick up for myself, I can say no, I can say yes, I can ask for what I want and what I think I need and I can feel okay about asking for those things. I understand that I may not always get my needs met, but I learned I can never get them met if I don’t ask. That lesson took me right out of that “victimy” role, I would sometimes find myself in.
I know the above may seem basic and rudimentary but for me they were new concepts. I learned to make choices before the drama occurs. I didn’t have to be afraid of who I am, or what I have to say.
It’s not like I was a withering wallflower before, it’s just now, I am much more authentic and less afraid to be vulnerable. I have found that I’m more likely to attract a group of people who are just as willing to be authentic and vulnerable, and let go of the ones who use their narcissism to get their own needs met at the expense of others.
Now the frustrating part of choice:
I knew this all along….I would have told any of my friends, my kids, my husband, or strangers that we all have the ability to makes these choices. I would have said to anyone…be authentic, be vulnerable, take a risk, take a chance. It’s amazing how I can look back on this now and say “Whoa, I used to do that?” I used to be so afraid of what others may think of me, or worse be someone I wasn’t because I was afraid people wouldn’t like the real me and run away. In truth the opposite always happened. My friendships, and relationships are much more satisfying now than they were seven years ago.
I will admit, that are times, I still get sucked in and find myself in a situation where I need to change or create a boundary, or end a friendship. But that is okay. I would rather live with the best lessons of making choices.